Apprentice
Runaway Pride

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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The vurrrry fahshunable wahhding

Chris interviews that he knew Trump would make him the PM and might be ticked off when he made his little I Hate My Team speech, but of course, as reality show contestants have since time began, Chris has an excuse. And like most of them, his excuse can be roughly translated as the odious I Gotta Be Me, And I Am Just Totally Awesome. Apex has a team meeting in which Chris says that obviously, this is a time when he has to prove he can lead, so he wants to get all the bullshit out of the way. Which is nice, but...when you started the bullshit, you can't really haul it out of the main thoroughfare by yourself. Ivana and her melon-colored shirt look dubious. She would look a lot more authoritative if her shirt said, "I am the BOSS." Chris also falls back on the by now very boring "we're not here to make friends" defense, adding, "This is fucking business." I swear, if I were as obsessed as these people are with the notion that displaying common courtesy makes everyone want to be your friend, I would never get any work done, as I would be eternally snarling at passersby out of fear that I would otherwise be deluged with unwanted gifts. Jen goes on to say that she respects and likes everyone on the team, which is an obvious and conspicuous lie based on her previous speech to Ivana, but she insists that they can all do a great job working together. I bet that at her school, Jen was the yearbook editor who stole the newspaper editor's boyfriend, monopolized him long enough to ruin the newspaper editor's prom, and then dumped him for a peace activist when she got to college. ["If by 'peace activist' you mean 'lacrosse player.'" -- Sars] Ivana, never one to miss an opportunity to take a cheap shot at someone else and simultaneously agree with Trump, contents herself dually by complaining that if you're going to complain -- just anyone, generically, not anyone in particular, of course -- then you should come up with an idea of what the solution might be. Ivana would like it known, I'm sure, that she always suggests a solution. And you know what her solution usually is? Shunning. She learned it from the Amish, she deploys it in business. And look how well it's worked for her so far! Nine episodes; three wins. Because she's a problem-solver.

Jen tells us that she thought the tone of this discussion was fairly good, but she was skeptical that Chris could be effective in leading them when they already know that he thinks the team sucks. Hey, I think the team sucks, too, and...okay, I'm not leading them, but I like to think I'm their friendly older sister who offers wise counsel, pimple medicine, and the occasional kick in the head. Anyway, Jen has obviously never heard of being motivated by the desire to stick it to someone who underestimates you, which is really sad, because it's a lot of fun. Also, Jen's lips are just too damn shiny. Chris tells the team they need to "put up or shut up," and that will do it for that inspirational speech.

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Apprentice

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