Runaway Pride

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The vurrrry fahshunable wahhding

Later, the teams enter the Boardroom to learn the results. Trump enters, saying "Helloooo" in a way that, believe it or not, strongly recalls M. Giant, and asks Carolyn how Mosaic did. She says she thinks they did "very well." They sold 27 dresses, for total profit of $12,788.94. Average profit per dress of $473.66, meaning that they still weren't exactly giving those dresses away. Chris looks ill, ill, and more ill. George is asked how Apex did, and says they sold two dresses. Two. And they made $1060.47. Sandy can't keep her mouth from dropping open at the remarkably ass performance of her opponents. Seriously, Mosaic was moving dresses at better than one every ten minutes, and Apex moved two in the entire evening. It's really no less than a situation in which Mosaic was extremely successful, and Apex did nothing. Trump can't believe one team smashed the other by a factor of 12. Sandy looks like she can't either, and she's darn happy she's the smasher and not the smashee. Trump reminds Kelly that he'll be immune next week, which seems extraordinarily unfair, but that's the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose. Trump now explains the reward, which is to go to the jewelry store where he bought Melania's ring. Melania will even meet them there, and they'll each get $10,000 to blow on diamonds. Holy crap. Oh, and Apex will be coming back to see someone fired. No jewelry, just bitterness.

Later, Apex sits around the suite, dejected. Chris, among other things, has actually fallen asleep reading Trump's book -- how's that for a visual metaphor? Kevin calls their loss "an old-fashioned butt-kicking." He says he's disgusted. Disgusted! In fact, he says he's "literally disgusted." It's like the opposite of the usual misuse of "literally," because..."disgusted" usually is "literally." Whatever. Anyway, Ivana jumps in: "We got outbeat in every single category." Outbeat? My God, she is a freak. Freak! Freak! Freak! Jen reminds her unhappy teammates that on top of the thrashing they took, the other team is currently picking up $50,000 in jewelry.

Speaking of which, here we are at the jewelry store. Melania welcomes the teams to the store, and Andy interviews that she's even prettier than her pictures. Mm-hmm. Inside, the guy shows them a very gaudy giant diamond necklace which he slips around Sandy's neck, then displays a very gaudy giant diamond ring. They tell Sandy that her necklace -- well, "her" necklace -- is worth $6 million, so she's not going to be taking that home. She tells us the necklace was "blinging all over the place." Yeah. That's not actually a good thing, sweetheart. And you want to be careful about "bling" as a verb. Andy tells the jewelry guy that because he's not married, he's shopping for his mom. Aw. Anyway, in the end, Wes gets his wife a necklace, Maria gets a ring, Sandy gets a necklace, and...Kelly buys himself a big old watch. Which makes Andy chuckle, I think mostly just because it's different from what the other guys did. Wes talks about how cool it was to get an inside look at this snazzy jeweler, as we watch Melania try on a big necklace she can probably pay for with the change in her purse.

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