Apprentice
Scoop Dreams

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Donut underestimate good ice cream
Previously on Here We Are, Face to Face, A Couple of Silver Buffoons: Trump assembled eighteen badly dressed nitwits in New York City and divided them into the male nitwits and the female nitwettes. A forced trade sent Pamela to be Queen of the Boys and Baldford to be King of the Girls. The Boys and Pamela named themselves Mosaic (the name that narrowly won out over "Nail Polish and Kittens"), while the Girls and Baldford named themselves Apex (which defeated "Football and Monster Trucks"). Mosaics and apexes all over the world sighed at finding themselves dragged into all of this ugliness. Trump explained the rules, including the new twist that the PM of a winning team would be exempt from firing the following week if that team found itself in the Boardroom. The first task had the teams creating a toy for Mattel, and while Apex went "vroom vroom" with a remote-controlled car, Mosaic went "crunch, splat" with Cappy the Modular Crab. Maria wanted to choke Baldford. Andy wanted to hit Pamela with a shovel. Protective gear for everyone! Stacie acted a bit oddly, which set tongues wagging all over the sorority house. Apex won the toy task, sending the boys to the very first Boardroom. Pamela took Andy and Rob to the final table -- declining an opportunity to bring an extra person -- and after hearing practically the entire Mosaic team heap scorn on Rob, Trump figured that a wounded gazelle is as tasty as any other kind and fired him. Baldford, of course, won a precious exemption that will prevent him from being fired this week.

Credits. Everybody chair-dance!

S5, Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch. Wes points out to the group that Trump praised Pamela, and "there's no way she's getting fired." John interviews as they wait that he thinks Andy will be fired, because he's just too damn young, as well as not "assertive in a group." As they all mill around waiting, Bradford is wearing...my, is that a newsboy cap? What is that? Gracious. Wes shares with the group that he agrees that it will be Andy, because given the total lack of experience, "he can't run a company." Predict-O-Wes finishes up with: "Rob'll come back. He's going to fire Andy." The door opens, and in come Pamela and Andy. Surprised candidates go to greet Andy, trying to think of something to say other than, "I can't believe you weren't deemed most unworthy!" They settle for nondescript cheering, as Andy pumps his fist for himself. Andy interviews that due to his age and inexperience, he's "a marked man." Eh. I suppose. Marked with the bruises he constantly gets from patting himself on the back, maybe. I mean, considering how nearly unanimously the men ganged up on Rob, the "marked man" thing seems like a tough sell at this point, but what do I know? I went to college in Ohio.

The rest of the Aspiring Corporate Weasels ask what happened in the Boardroom, and Andy calls it "the ultimate test of your mental way." Way? I don't know. It sounded like "way," but he's supposed to be a debater, and I almost believe he'd know better. Anyway, he tells those who have never seen the show before all about how Trump comes after you and you have to defend yourself. John then sinks into the couch, from which he delivers a lecture about how the Boardroom sucks if you're the person "called out," and it sucks if you're one of "the people that gotta call the other people out." Yeah. That sure does suck equally. Because when you all gang up on a guy, it totally hurts you more than it hurts him. Honest. Kevin reminds the team that they hate the Boardroom, and if they win, they don't have to go there anymore. That Kevin is sharp. Raj opens some red wine, which I'm sure he is used to serving at home out of special glasses form Pottery Barn or something. Chris reminds them that they have to be up in the morning, but the wine flows anyway. (Boy...yeah, been there.) Baldford interviews that Apex is in a good mood and "learned a big lesson" from the toy task, specifically "who is going to be good in certain situations." Maria, Ivana, and Andy sit down and have an interteam chat in which the first really notable thing is the way Maria flutters her eyelashes. What is that? Ivana then chats about how Baldford is "in total denial, because he thinks it's all about him." And I'm sure that he's alone in having that particular notion. "I'm still trying to figure out what he brings to the table," Ivana says. Unlike Ivana herself, of course, who proved her worth by suggesting a Drag Queen Set for boys. She gives an interview in which she says, "The [Baldford] truly is the weakest link out of us all, and the fact that he's protected...don't even get me started!" Thank you for that string of clichés. Back in the Andy chat, she complains that Baldford was being in a leadership position when there turned out to be "chaos." Just keep that little tidbit in mind, would you? Thanks. Maria says she thinks they'll have to wait and see how Baldford functions when he's not the PM and doesn't have the last word.

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