Apprentice
Scoop Dreams

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Donut underestimate good ice cream

In the Apex meeting, I hear somebody say something about "margarita," and that momentarily distracts me, but then someone brings up, "What about donut flavor?" Ivana rolls her eyes and makes a face, sucking on her can of Red Bull. I certainly hope someone suggested Red Bull ice cream. "Oh, we can't do that," someone says of the donut idea. Heh. They're starting to run into time constraints, and when Maria mentions Red Velvet Cake, they all take an interest. Even Baldford has something nice to say about it, and he almost never has anything nice to say about any idea that isn't his and doesn't involve nudity. When they tell the Ciao Bella head honcho of their choice, Baldford jumps up and tries to force the CEO to say he's all excited about making Red Velvet ice cream, which is not going to happen. He confirms that they have all the ingredients the team is talking about in house, so they won't need to buy anything. Baldford is still wearing his hair cap, which is kind of ironic if you think about it. (Because he's...well, never mind.) As Jennifer C. is being interviewed outside Ciao Bella about how much time they wasted, she looks over and sees Mosaic pulling up in the van, bringing donuts. She notes that they seem to have their act together, so that's a problem. "I have a feeling that Mosaic is kicking our ass right now in such a big way it's not even funny," she says.

Now that Apex has its ice cream planned, they set out to sell it, and Elizabeth shares the insight that "our target audience is the chef of a restaurant." What is this, an acting exercise? What's my motivation? Oh, right. Same as always -- hating. Maria tells someone on the phone that tomorrow only, they're offering a "limited edition gelato called Red Velvet." The annoying thing is that all the women are trying to make calls from the same room, so you can't even hear yourself think. There's no way I could function in that environment. Stacie decides to explore the idea of hiring temps to do some of the legwork for them, so she calls an agency to check the costs. When the other women note that she's crawled under the desk to make these phone calls, they are alarmed. "Stacie, what are you doing?" Ivana demands to know. Stacie announces that she can get five temps for tomorrow. Elizabeth looks around like that is the stupidest thing she ever heard. Ivana similarly acts like Stacie just suggested live human sacrifice as a promotional concept. Listen up, morons. You could probably get a low-end, unskilled temp for about $15 an hour. If you assume you want to get five temps to cover the heavy hours of street sales, say 12:00-4:00, that would be $60 a person, or a total of $300. If you really believe that you're going to make your big money by going around to visit restaurants and distributors, then not only does it make sense to consider hiring less-skilled people to do the street sales while you do the heavy lifting, you are a fool and a half if you don't at least think of it, investigate it, and find out what it would cost. In fact, Carolyn ripped the teams at Planet Hollywood last season for exactly this -- for not realizing that you don't plunk your team down on the sidewalk handing out coupons if there are management tasks they could be doing. And if the rest of these women wonder why Stacie didn't announce to all of them that she was about to do this, it's probably because they treat her like an idiot every time she opens her mouth, and she wanted to make sure that she had a firm proposal in hand before she brought it up, hoping that maybe they would actually listen if she could show them math. There's really nothing wrong or wacky about the idea of hiring temps. It may not be the right thing to do if you can't get the distributor meetings set up, but she's right on the button to at least find out.

In an interview, Ivana calls Stacie a "loose cannon." Eh. Better that than a dim bulb. "She needs adult supervision," Ivana adds. Insert obvious punch line along the lines of, "Apparently, Ivana will be needing an independent contractor for that."

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