Apprentice
Scoop Dreams

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Donut underestimate good ice cream

Jennifer C. and Stacy continue to taunt the men from the next room about how they're stealing their idea. Baldford calls in to John, barely able to contain the hilarity, "Hey, J-Dogs, when you grow a pair of boobies, you'll be able to outsell my girls!" And then he cackles. If you count the reasons to hate him that are present in that one sentence, you'll run out of fingers. Condescending, stupid, sexist, banal, involving a stupid frat-boy nickname...it just goes on and on. He's a raging sexist asshole, and the sooner he gets off my TV, the better.

Sunrise porn. It's Task Day, and Mosaic is setting up outside the Toys 'R' Us. Kelly says that their plan was to arrive at 7:15 so that they'd be ready to start selling at 8:00 AM. It turns out that they've also decided to be in "uniform" of a sort -- they're going to do an old-time ice cream parlor look. As Kevin explains, they decided they wanted bow ties for this, and when they all started wondering where they'd get them, Raj assured them he had it covered. Heh. Hey, nobody ever said oddballs aren't handy. All the guys put on their bow ties, not that many of them know how to do it themselves. As you can imagine, Raj's bow ties are not clip-ons. "Raj has, like, 12 or 13 bow ties," Kevin says in amazement. "Who is this guy, you know what I mean?" Oh, I know what you mean, Kevin. I know exactly what you mean. I may be the only one who truly does.

At 7:45 AM, the ice cream truck rolls up so that they can get set up. As they unpack the carts and unfurl the big umbrellas, Kelly comments that it was morning, and everybody was hungry. Someone raises the idea of getting something to eat, and John declares, as if he has just been appointed Grand Poobah In Charge of Acquisitions, "Nobody's spending any money on food today. You're going to sacrifice for Power Bars and bread and stuff." "I'm going to eat a bagel," Raj says evenly. "I have to eat breakfast; I'm hypoglycemic." It's really unfortunate that all the pretend hypoglycemics have ruined it for everyone, because it is a real thing, and it's possible Raj really has it. He repeats that he wants a bagel. "Well, tough shit," John says. "No, John," Raj says flatly, doing a "these aren't the droids you're looking for" thing. "That's not the way it's going to be." John interviews that he couldn't believe anyone was serious about wanting to eat. See, they don't have their own money, so the money comes out of the task, and John figures that one dollar might be the difference between staying and going. Kelly interviews that John is subject to periodic losses of perspective. "Basically, he wanted us to spend no cash," Kelly says. Kelly makes the call to allot each person five bucks for food for the day. John begins to protest, and Kelly says, "That's my decision, man." And that's what needed to be done. John pouts that he "completely disagree[s] with that," and Kelly just says, "Okay, I got it. It's noted." Wait, Kelly has actual leadership qualities. That's cheating. Kelly tells John that he personally believes that the lift from being fed will give each guy one extra sale, and it will be worth it. John looks grouchy. Raj interviews that John thought they should have a big day of selling in the sun and eat nothing. "This is a crazy, immature notion," he insists. "And it's not a winning strategy." And it's that last thing that really matters, no? Of course, Raj has to step on his own line by adding, "He, dead wrong. Me, entirely correct." Sigh. Let the line breathe, Raj. In, out. In, out.

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Apprentice

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