Apprentice
Seams Stress

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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And now for something completely...uhh...

Trump tells the candidates that they are indeed "in the studios of the new Trump Collection." He says it's a line of "very luxury clothing." You would think that even if Trump had, like, a twenty-word vocabulary, he could deploy that phrase without biffing it, wouldn't you? He announces that in this week's task, the teams will be developing a line of clothing for American Eagle. Such an old-school TWoP shout-out, people. At AE, they'll work with some designers to create "wearable technology clothing." And what is wearable technology clothing? Well, that's where you have clothes that are specially created to hold various electronic doodads. Bren makes a face like he just ate a piece of spoiled meat, so I'm not sure what his problem is. Maybe he's not a doodad kind of guy. ["Maybe, like me, he thinks that maybe the kids today could just make do with existing pockets. I mean, come on." -- Sars] Trump then hands each team a Visa card with $5,000 on it, and the purpose of the Visa card is to go out and buy $5,000 worth of gizmos to work with. Are you kidding me? What the hell? They're going to spend $10,000 of Trump's money on iPods and fancy-ass cell phones just as inspiration for design purposes? I totally wish they had given them little mock-ups made of cardboard and washers. But at any rate, Trump has apparently decided he truly has money to burn, so the credit cards are handed over. Once they've designed their clothes, they'll do a presentation for American Eagle that shows off their nifty clothes. Whichever team gives the better presentation of wearable technology clothing will win; the other team will go to the Boardroom. And Bren is exempt, so don't think you're getting rid of his weaselly ass soon.

And then -- seriously, people, I almost can't believe this happened, but it did, I swear. In a long and badly dubbed voice-over in which you never see Trump's face, ever, he lectures the teams that in last week's task, they both decided to make meatball pizzas for Domino's. But, he tells them, if they had done their market research, they would have learned that people don't want meatball pizzas. They don't! What they want is cheeseburger pizzas! People hate meatball! They love cheeseburger! America is a deeply meatball-phobic society! "The lesson: always pay attention to your customer." And of all the intelligence-insulting things I have ever seen on a reality show, that may well be the most intelligence-insulting thing of all. Do they think that anyone is not going to know that this has something to do with the fact that Domino's is now marketing a cheeseburger pizza, and that Papa John's, which doesn't happen to be a sponsor, not only is selling a meatball pizza now, but snuck ads for it into last week's episode? I truly feel like I have just eaten a peanut butter sandwich made entirely of shame, just for watching that. Product placement is one thing; that is truly something else.

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Apprentice

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