Meanwhile, Lenny is being his usual worthless self. He tells her that half of the equipment has been stolen and they don't know where it is, and Christine's like, "Oh a comedian, yeah? Well, I'm glad you're having fun." Ouch. Lee tries to get them on target, and she asks about how they're going to dramatize the celebrity coaches, and Lenny says that they will be catapulted over a wall onto the ice. "Great, great. That'll be cool when they fall down and die." Lee begs Lenny to shut up and stop fucking with Christine, I bet because he's scared Lys will come back, and she actually has an intimidating presence instead of simply giving the impression that she is new to society. Lee interviews, quite rightly, that Christine is unhappy and uncomfortable, and that Lenny is not helping. Christine brings up Jamie Pressley, who is apparently going to be flying through the air and landing on slick ice in stilettos, and the suggestion is made that they put her on skates. Jamie Pressley on skates. That's the level we're at. I already liked Lys but at this point I wanted to phone her up and be like, "I'll bring the ski masks, you grab a baseball bat, and we'll take care of this once and for all." Christine points out that they have no idea whether Jamie Pressley can even skate, and cautions them about leaving the entire task up to the whims of fate. Everybody gets scared because the truth is scary when you're out of your league. Roxanne interviews that the whole thing was super embarrassing. Which is no doubt true, but not as embarrassing as the fact that Lee lost this whole thing the second he walked into the suite and saw Lenny standing there, and that Lee is too young to make decisions based on anything more meaningful than his (incorrectly perceived) popularity. And I don't mean "young" as in chronologically, because that is a lie that stupid old people tell themselves to justify their own weaknesses -- I mean "young" as in everybody eats a certain amount of shit in their lifetime and he's unlucky enough to be doing it on TV. Without knowing he's doing it.
Pepi and Lenny assign the players their helmets and uniforms based on no information whatsoever except that they've seen some of the people on TV a few times. Here's an excerpt: "That one's a goalie, so let's say XXL, but he'll have a small head." I swear to God I hate Lenny so much. That's ridiculous. These people have publicists, and the whole point of a hockey helmet is so that you don't end up paralyzed. The audience laughs at this mind-blowing incompetence and Lenny and Pepi are very serious about this very stupid activity. The time it takes them to estimate the size of John McEnroe's head, they could have called every contact in the entire book, and trust me, nobody would mind, because the point of safety equipment is keeping your shit safe. Lenny laughs for an unknown reason and begs Pepi to stop smoking crack. He's so icky and weird and uncool. Going to commercial, quick shots of the Apprenti backstage: Brent has lost weight but that was never the problem, Andrea looks very cute and is the color of a dead vegetarian, Roxanne and Allie look totally smashing, Dan might have gone a little overboard with the Mystic but is still beautiful.