Trump: "But you never stepped up as a leader!"
Stefani: "Um, does mind control count? Because I am a hypnotist. Frankie was eating shoelaces when I found him, Mr. Trump. Look at him now, talking pretty. Nicole had never heard of a thong before I took over -- it was all 100%-cotton panty lines, all the time -- now look at her. Vastly hotter. I did things to these people it'll take years to unravel. I'm the glue that stuck them to my terrifying will. Whenever anybody says the word 'equipage,' for the rest of his life, Tim Urban is going to perform sixty squat-thrusts, ten reps per, and crave the taste of cauliflower for the rest of the day. I did that, Mr. Trump. And why? Because I can."
Trump: "So James: LYLAS?"
James: "See, Stefani and I are two different types of leaders. I'm the kind of leader that crams everybody into their separate boxes marked IDIOT, then claims all their ideas for myself. I make it happen; I use the resources I've got, such as other people's ideas and efforts, while applauding myself at every opportunity. Like you, sir, if I can presume. Alternately, Stefani's more 'behind the scenes.' She makes sure things happen, on the correct timelines, and that all the details are perfect, and then she gives a presentation that could make you cry, without ever bringing her gender -- beyond the obvious -- into the equation. I'm an immigrant, Mr. Trump, with a lot of creativity at my disposal. I'm a creativigrant. It's just a different sort of role."
Don: "James, have you like ever done anything? I've seen you freak out about all kinds of things, and talk an egregious amount of smack, but this is a family business. We've got a lot of shit going on."
James: "The company that I started because I hate working for giant corporations such as yours, young Trump, has many details, situated in a larger picture. As the CEO of [Whatever.com], I worked it from start to finish, from the concept to the final product, [Whatever.com]. I alienated one thousand people in the process, Trumps, by taking credit for their ideas and insulting them in front of clients. That takes attention to detail, to be this much of a douche."
Don: "Mmmkay. How about this. Describe yourself using a noun. Something real, like you could see it with your eyes and touch it with your fingers. Something you could put on this table, that will explain what value you add to your ventures."
James: "I'm a visionary, I'm a strategist, I align people to do the details -- like Andrea, I don't burn trash, I hire it, is what I like to say -- and in this way I do both the details and the bigger picture."
Don: "Holy fucking A. In what 'way'? These are not difficult questions, Gonzales."
James: "In the way that I delegate all responsibilities to anyone within reach, talk down to them and refer to them in the negative whenever I can, then reap the benefits of their effort before sacrificing them for no reason. I can do that for your company too!"
Don: "That's not management, that's... I don't even know what that is."
James: "It's creativigrity!"