Apprentice
Season 6 Decision Time

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Stefani immediately names Cap Cana, and on a somewhat unrelated note, since it applies to any Trump job, lists her qualifications splendidly and quickly. She comes from a legal and business background, but has played counsel for developers and construction companies, so she's conversant with everything, geo, techno or mineral, she's on it. James asks in turn for the Atlanta project, because as the crow flies it's closer to Donald Trump. That's literally the saddest sentence I've ever written in my entire life. He wants to learn from Trump, to add nebulous "technology" to the Trump brand and "take it to another level," and "really make it come together" for Trump's team. FUCKING SAY SOMETHING. GOD. He gave Surya so much shit for this talking around it, but at least Surya had something to say and was just hiding it. James is just saying that he's an interesting chap, and that should be his job. Selling bullshit to people who are selling bullshit. It's just upsetting when the bullshit is yourself and it rests on nothing at all, which is what I always say about Trump anyway, but man. That's sad. Oh, I forgot the other two. Nicole likes to "think big" -- just like Trump! -- and is the daughter of a construction person who loves golf courses, so I guess she picks Cap Cana. So basically, in addition to working in real estate, she has been near other things happening at various times. Frank chooses Atlanta for reasons such as the fact that he has been working in construction for over ten years (not a reason), has put up many buildings (not a reason), wants to be part of the Trump team (equivocal), loves putting up skyscrapers (equivocal) and in particular, he says out loud in the following words, "those are two skyscrapers I'd love to help you... erect." Every time I regain my hatred of Frankie Suits, he pulls the rug out from under me again, and I fall in love every time like it's the first time. Oh, Frank.

The crowd fully goes ape at the erection humor, and for once Trump is classier than his audience as he and his daughter ignore it altogether. Ivanka opens fire immediately, given leave to speak, and informs both teams that their videos sucked ass. I loooove Ivanka. She tells Nicole and Frank that she has "tremendous respect" for them, but that she wasn't impressed with their work. "Are you still proud of your work, in retrospect?" Which is the impossible question, the Carolyn question, and the reason Ivanka is so good for this show. Say yes, you're an idiot; say no, and you're in a corner with no way out. Basically, she's asking them to give her excuses, and of course, Nicole walks right into it. Though she does a great job with it, actually, with only a little stammering. Like, a smidge. None of those coy "I'm just a girl, little old me" bullshit. Much, much better.

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Apprentice

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