Season 6 Decision Time

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
Lessons Learned

Frank: [giggles]

Scary boardroom music, scary pronouncements from Trump: "I've heard you, now you hear me."

Trump: "Frank, you hired Surya even though he's a douchebag that ruined Arrow for like five weeks running, and abused him into hating you besides. Now, Surya is not the problem here, because there is no problem here, and I want to be very clear about that. You didn't get along with Surya because he was objectively annoying and an obstruction to your duties, and that's now your problem. Your mini-movie wasn't good, you were almost fired in the first week, and the second, and so on, and though you have drive, plus other things we haven't been able to pin down, the truth is that you have liabilities, like functional illiteracy and a raging overbite. You're fired."
Everybody, excluding Frank: "Duh."

Trump: "Nicole, the whole time I was bugging you and fucking with you and egging you on and pretending to care and saying that I would give Tim money if he banged you and told you that you were a precious flower and basically acted like I was gonna pay for the wedding, I was fucking with you. In fact there's nothing worse than office romance. That was my little test, to see if you'd keep doing something after I not only didn't discourage it, but actively elicited it. You can't have a boyfriend in this job, because [verbatim] you have to love me more. And I mean that literally: actual fellatio. I want to be clear about this. I don't like you dating Tim, because I'm now openly admitting I'm a creepy old fuck, and because [verbatim] I gotta be the boss."
Nicole: "I cannot heave my heart to say I love you all, and leave no love for a husband."
Trump: "Nicole, you're fired."
Everybody, including Nicole: "Duh."

Nicole's scary brother: [Shouting death threats, making obscene gestures, and pulling a knife out of his boot which he has cunningly fashioned from a toothbrush and some leftover plastic wrap from lunch]
Trump: "Go hug everybody else. Except you and Tim, Nicole. I don't wanna see that shit. Creepy old fuck, represent."

Nicole and Frank go dancing over to the other candidates. I don't know if this is a non-shock because they already know because this show is so fake, or if it's obvious because they've now been watching the same show we have for 15 weeks or whatever, but they're not surprised at all. Makes their little performances just now even cooler. It makes me surprisingly sad. I still think it means the most to Nicole. Trump sits in a dark place with strange lights and looks twice as toady as normal. He's like a mysterious toad sitting in a swamp. When everybody settles down -- and I mean it doesn't take long, this is Frank and Nicole, with the exception of her scary relative there's not a lot of rending of clothing and flagellation at this unsurprising news -- Trump addresses the real finalists.

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