Apprentice
Season 6 Decision Time

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lessons Learned

James: "Working for Donald Trump brings the whole story to a close, in that I was born, grew up, had children of my own, and always under the thumb of white privilege. What I mean to say is that I -- at three months of age -- worked hard to provide for myself when I arrived at this country, making many sacrifices at that time to ensure that I was able to give myself the life that I was never able to have."

James: "By working for Donald Trump, I am coming 'full circle' by admitting that I am not strong or creative enough for the life of an entrepreneur, but am quite willing to sell myself as a bootstrapping individual who never got nothing from nobody, which is a total lie. BUT it is the same lie my hero often implies about himself, so you see, this is fate. And that man's name? Donald J. Trump."

James: "I've been married for four and a half years, and I demand that my wife and two daughters greet me at the door each day when I come home from my fake job. The level of 'human satisfaction' and 'emotion' I presume I'm meant to receive from these things makes me assume that I feel 'complete.' That's my story and I am sticking to it."

James: "You can tell how 'complete' and 'humanly satisfied' -- whatever the flaming fuck that means -- I am by how the gaping hole in my spirit and persona needed so desperately to be filled that I applied to be on a TV game show all about how awesome I am, constantly take credit for everyone else's ideas, and don't have the self-sufficiency or introspective ability necessary to admit that I have no marketable skills beyond marketing my nonexistent skills. Which is not only sad, but also kind of post-modernly retarded of me. You will of course have already noted that 'post-modernly retarded' is kind of my whole shtick."

James reads to his adorable daughter and they are adorable but what's really adorable is whoring your children to get famous, because you're sick inside.

James: "I want to be a story to inspire people. Not just because I am awesome, in and of myself, although it is very inspiring for example how creative I am, but also because I have done so many things to get where I am today, which is -- again -- so satisfactory that I am going on television to beg a stupid, classless old fuck for a job. Don't you think that's inspiring? That's what I want people to remember about me: not my inability to cover for my nebulous skills, not my paranoid and creepy way of ass-covering and self-dealing at every opportunity, not for the fact that I have zero ethics, not the way I constantly talked shit about other capable adults as though they were pack mules, in the deluded belief that it made me look better and not worse, not for the fact that my only selling point was that I was good at everything, while other people were good at filing and carrying heavy stuff, but simply for this: I did 'things' of an unspecified sort in order to attain 'success' of an unspecified sort so that I could give it all up for 'reasons' of an unspecified but no-doubt yucky quality, on national television, and then get turned down and called grody all over the internet. ... Remember me."

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Apprentice

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