Apprentice
Season 6 Decision Time

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lessons Learned

Crowd: [Licking. It. Up.]
Jacob: "Nasty, he's totally going to win. What's the opposite of Christmas?"
James: [Grinning unctuously like he just accomplished something, or deserves anything, or signifies anything, or has a point.]
Trump: "Yeah, that was real cute. You've got a nice life, a great life. One with the freedom of entrepreneurship and the feeling of responsibility that comes with providing -- and providing well -- for your family. What can I offer you that is better than that? Some crap covered in fake gold, fake tits, maybe some blow. Definitely some people to abuse at your will, if that floats your boat. Bring me the big fat lesbian head of Rosie O'Donnell, and we'll talk."
Rosie: "donald trump is like
something on your shoe
today I made hasselbeck cry just for fun
wrote this blog
remembered that trump is nothing
after lunch i quit the view
then raised a million dollars
for a random charity
because it was a tuesday
and i hadn't raised a million dollars for charity
since last saturday
donald trump can suck my dick
"

This is seriously the best Stefani has ever looked in her entire life. She looks like a movie about the Life Of Stefani. Anyway, sorry. So Trump talks about how there's a surprise guest and then the final boardroom after the break, and you can spend the break thinking about trading on your parents' immigrant status and how after the fifth time or so, it just comes naturally to you and you don't even think of it as a lie before too long -- after all, it's factually true. The only thing maybe/possibly/probably not wrong with it is how that has very little to do with you, as a selling point. And my problem there is the same problem I always have with this show, and with this particular guy -- remember the RoboCop task? -- which is that factually true is not fucking good enough. That's like saying it's okay to do something shitty as long as you don't get caught, or finding the wallet and then only calling like half the numbers inside, and telling yourself you did all you could. It's endemic to the country and the show and the fellow, and it drives me absolutely bats, because there is literally nothing simpler than doing the right thing. You already know what that right thing is, you have an inborn sense -- unless you were raised by wolves, or are a child of Satan, or a goddamn sociopath -- of what that right thing is, and you make the choice not to do it. You diminish yourself, and you do it willingly, and maybe you're so estranged from your essential, authentic self that you don't even notice you're doing it. And there's not an outside force or consensus or authority to which you can possibly appeal that could ever make that less of a failure to the only person that really matters here: you. This show's cartoonish, but that doesn't mean it's funny. Trump takes anything he's scared of and decides that it's worthless; he turns fear into ridicule. We watch these people and we do the exact same thing. Who wants to know this stuff? How far are you really, from going all Magic Eight Ball Salem Crucible on somebody, to get ahead? How far are you from pulling the race card, if it would help you get your way? How far are you really, from selling out the other gay guy? How far are you from playing into Trump's fantasies that women can't get along, in order to push somebody else under the bus? I don't want to know this stuff. It's not that the show got unrealistic; it's that it got too real.

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Apprentice

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