Donald wheels out good old George, who is looking really, really good. There is a thunderous standing ovation for George, which warms my heart. In other news, it's now blatantly raining at the Hollywood Bowl. Off-camera there are probably beanbag snipers all, "Don't indicate through gestures or facial expressions that it's literally raining on Trump's literal parade, or we're taking you out." Trump asks George for advice, and George is like, "You're... great? Certainly. You're both extremely talented. James, though, you also kinda suck because you don't know what you're doing. Stefani, I think also either you are a whiny girl wallflower, or else a killer assassin. I'm thinking assassin though." He tells Donald it's a tough choice, offers no help for him at all, and abruptly vanishes. Trump goes on some kind of weird thing about how "isn't that voice familiar?" and "I've heard that voice before," and whatever, he's killing time, and he's like, "Okay, let's do this. The thing we were already doing until I interrupted to show Carolyn that I still like George? Let's go back to doing that. But like decisively." Ivanka fully snaps to and stares them down, the second she's off the leash. "QUESTION," she says.
Ivanka: "So the criticism is that you're codependent, like, Stefani, you do things that are quantifiable but you don't put your neck out, and James, you have no skills but screaming like Rachel Ray for no reason. Put the two of you together, you're like George and Lenny. So then, right, you go off all 'Oh, let's hire each other and braid each other's hair,' which at first seemed aggressive and a little sexy, but then James did it, and he only did it because he's a moron, but it ended up undercutting the whole awesome thing you'd just said. So now I don't know: Are you in fact BFFs? Stefani, does James LYLAS? Can you function independently from each other? Because for example, see Tim and Nicole over there? Right this second, drinking out of the same root beer float and slurping on the same piece of spaghetti like dogs in love. This is a problem for me. Have you ever read that book The Missing Piece? I highly recommend it."
Stefani: "I want to be very clear here. I don't give a fuck about anybody else and I never have. I am terrifyingly adept at this game. Think of James as a human shield, or the newspaper I might hold over my incredibly fluffy, bouncy hair, if it were raining."
Trump: "Which it is not."
Stefani: "Of course. Let me level with you: if I'm codependent, it's with my calling. I fucking love my job. Not just as an officer of the court, but as a person whose mental agility and considerable charm are all that stand between the injured and deprived and the life-saving funds that they deserve by law. Do you understand the pressure there? Simply keeping the poor and ignorant from grasping at what they need to survive with their grubby little hands, twenty-four seven. And you have the nerve to ask me if I give a fuck about James? Let me tell you something: I've been working on getting his parents deported since before this show fucking started. There are not... English does not have the words for the scary I am capable of being. I have a gun, Ivanka. Right here, strapped to my shapely thigh. I have also baked you a cake, which is cunningly hidden under this enormous boardroom table. Audience, if you'll look under your seats, you'll find small lemon tarts in watersafe containers. Take them home and share them with your families. I have also conspired to give Los Angeles the fragrance of fresh-baked bread this evening. Smell that? It's like a hug from your momma. Now close your eyes and imagine that your momma is a ninja. That's me."