Apprentice
Season 6 Decision Time

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lessons Learned

Stefani: "I'm prepared to do... that, whatever you just said. Not the peeing thing, the other thing. About weaknesses or whatever. I dare you to find one weakness that I can't spin as a strength. It will give me a laugh."

Trump: "Oooooh, you're both so great! I just had to say that! Stefani, you're invisible but deadly, and you went to college forever! I commend you on that, and your enormous fake boobs. You are really something. I do worry about how you possibly didn't scream like a moron enough. I really like that. And James, you're creative. You've done great with that. I love creative people."
Jacob: "Spell creative. Define creative. Use it in a sentence. Provide the etymology. Write it on an index card. Get a tattoo. Eat my entire ass."
Trump: [Something really fucked up so I had to rewind it.]

Trump: "But... certain things, and dialogue you gave, that -- you know what I'm talking about -- bothered me very much. You're an outstanding guy and you'll be a really big success, but for now, James. You're fired. Stefani, you're hired."

He then tells James Good Luck a thousand times and shakes hands indiscriminately. Wow, I was not seeing that. Stefani's just dying from the excitement at this point. But wait, what? What the hell was that? I don't know. Well, that's not exactly true. I have a bit more of a clue than James does, because James's entire pathology is based on not knowing what he's talking about. Or what anybody's talking about. So while I cannot say that I have any clue, that's already more clue than James, and I'm not -- you may have noticed -- not the kind of writer that is often willing to throw up my hands and admit I don't know something. Except song titles, of course. If anything, I will throw some brain waves at the thing until I've satisfied myself that I know what I'm talking about, and move on. So here's what I think: "Dialogue you gave" can apply to two things: either it's the stuff in his interviews, which was never any more disgusting than the things he said in front of people (as opposed to my favorite candidates, who always get fifty times nastier in interview than real life), or it's the stuff on the stage, tonight, including the video, which I say is key. And I say this dispassionately, because I've been thinking about this all week.

James Sun thinks it was because he mentioned his company a thousand times, therefore somehow cock-blocking Trumporg on a live show, but I don't think that's exactly it. I think it's what I was saying before, actually, about the Spirit of Entrepreneurship and how it lives on in James Sun. When everybody knows that it lives only in Donald Trump, whatever and ever amen. So you have a guy who DARES to say, in front of the person behind whom lies the ass you've got to kiss, that he is not a fan of the kissing of asses: Mistake number one. Also a guy who DARES to say, in front of the leader of the corporation he's had to crawl through glass to even get this close to, that A) he doesn't care for monolithic corporations, B) he doesn't really see himself as a 'worker' so much as a person who thinks hard all day and is hit with the lightning of inspiration sometimes, and C) he'll desert your ass for his own quality of life, like if health or personal satisfaction became an issue. That kind of a chump -- you know the kind: thoughts, and a life, and a family, and dignity of a sort.

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Apprentice

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