Apprentice
Season Finale

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

The six Returnees go in and sit down, looking utterly beautiful as well, and Trump enters with a mustard tie that matches all the rest of him, and Toral's contacts are stupid. Josh tells Trump that Randal is a "phenomenal leader," always "grounded" and remained "very calm in the eye of the storm -- pun intended," and Carolyn half-smiles indulgently, and then -- so tiny you have to slo-mo to really see it -- shakes her head, as if to say, "You're cute, but not that cute." It's hilarious. Trump calls the climate yesterday possibly "softball weather," and Mark allows that by the time Trump arrived, it was fine, but that was not the deal, that it wouldn't brand the charity well to have the event in inches of mud, and Trump segues kind of brilliantly. "You would have raised less money? You raised more." Toral: "Oh really?" Marshawn guesses, at Trump's request, that they netted probably over $5000 -- which is bullshit for this level of event, and she's got to know that -- and Trump tells Team Randal that they got over $11,000. Which is...still bullshit, but whatever, it was held in a latrine.

Trump asks Toral how much Team Rebecca got, and Toral admits that, technically, they didn't get a dime. Trump asks whether or not the raising of funds is the point of a fundraiser, and Toral says that Yahoo! was forcefully uninterested in that aspect of the event. Trump: "That's nice." She talks about the envelopes and the brochures and Chris clarifies the Yahoo! viewpoint, that these VIPs are clients spending $10M with Yahoo! already, and it's weird to invite them to this VIP party and demand more money. George asks what I've been asking two weeks now, which is who the hell is running the affair, and criticizes them for taking any client's word as gospel. Toral reminds them that they did a fantastic job, and that Yahoo! loved the event, but Trump notes that Glaser got nothing, which is "not right." Nor is it precisely true, but I'm not going to argue. Trump thinks Yahoo! should make a major donation, and in about twenty minutes they will, so our nation's corporate structure of product placement and mutual benefit remains intact.

Mark, brilliantly, gets all kinds of up in there about how they were doing the same thing, concentrating on nasty old Outback Guy, until they met the force of nature that is Alison T. Singer, and that she was so passionate and demanding that their entire focus warped over to fundraising, and mentions forcefully that this was Randal's decision, "and it was a great one." Actually, it was the same one, just with the charity and not the sponsor, but the spin ended up positive, and how could it not, because charity is the Godwin's Law of capitalism, it ends the entire conversation. Which Rebecca should have known, considering she consults for nonprofits, and I'm not going to make excuses, but she really seems to have misread that entire thing, like to a degree where maybe somebody should have pointed out to her that charity always wins over business. But then, I guess that's what Carolyn openly did, once it was too late.

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Apprentice

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