Apprentice
Season Finale

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

Toral just keeps going. "Sir, Rebecca is smart, honest, trustworthy…" Trump interrupts: "Better than Randal?" She takes a second to steel herself, and then says with this kind of terrifying, kind of Lamborghini Motherfucker barely-suppressed rage, "She is better than Randal." Everybody, including Trump, is like, "Whoa!" Because Randal is obviously going to win, but also because she said this in a way which approximated a really large blowgun of sentiment. Fucking Alla pipes up, off-camera, "Biased opinion!" I'll deal with you in a sec, lady.

"Rebecca has the qualities of a great leader, Mr. Trump. She is a hard --" Again with the interruptions. What the hell? "I love the way you're defending her, because she defended you." (Remember? Like I said five seconds ago?) "And I love what you're doing." Toral: "Mr. Trump, she is a diamond in a haystack." I'm guessing she's just a bit tongue-tied, but she's mangled simple colloquialisms like this before, I think. "This is the first time I like you, Toral." She laughs again. Everybody laughs. Fuck. It really, really bothers me, this. It's like his only shtick tonight: Yell, yell, remind Toral's she's a worthless piece of crap, yell some more. Umeboshi or not, that's some bullshit.

Marshawn opines that there's never been "an easier choice for the Trump organization," that Randal "exemplifies strong education, experience, ethics" and has "garnered the respect of every single person on this stage," and he "exemplifies excellence in everything that he does." Mr. Trump, Marshawn does not "see how you can have another choice." The crowd goes wild. Jenthura's got gigantic hair (is there something going on, like barometrically, at the Lincoln Center? Something I'm not aware of? Because Trump's hair got smaller, and it's confusing!) and says this: "I love both of them, but I have to say, from the moment I first met Randal I became a huge Randal fan, and as you can see -- every single episode, he has the people skills that a leader needs. Not just because of his education and experience, he's just a natural leader! He has the biggest heart! You can see it in his eyes! He's incredible." She even gets a little Zenthura tongue-tied in the middle of it, but manages to steer herself through this little speech, which says a lot of true things about Randal but even more things about her, and she nearly starts crying about how great Randal is, and I just really love her.

Trump, opting to "stay with the women," as he says, moves to Alla: "You've been terrific, and you really did a good job -- you almost made it! -- so what do you think?" There's a smattering of applause, but I'm kind of horrified by the "you almost made it" part. Accentuating the positive is not exactly an acquired taste, for people who are authentically happy, and yet Trump's just -- in this very friendly, glad-handing way -- handing out bummers left and right. (And he's so not even done, y'all.) "Mr. Trump, you know me -- I'm all about the facts. I had the privilege of working with both Rebecca and Randal... To me, Rebecca is not even in the same league as Randal, and I speak the truth! I worked with Rebecca -- and no offense here, Rebecca -- I saw literally nothing out of her." Alla manages to get a sad face out of Rebecca with that one. And, combined with the pointless Felisha abuse in the Boardroom, manages to get me completely over her with this. You're not "speaking the truth" if you're not saying anything, any more than you're "dressing for success" when you dress like Bai Ling's horny, addled grandmother, you sick, withered, bitter, proto-geriatric freak.

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Apprentice

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