Apprentice
Season Finale

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors

Trump asks Rebecca whether it's possible that Randal is overeducated, and Rebecca explains that she would never undermine education, but that it's a matter of what you do with it. Specifically, that you know what you're doing, and then that you do it. Huh. Stupid question, content-free answer. Randal "would add, Mr. Trump, that [he runs] a multimillion-dollar consulting firm, BCT Partners," so the fact of his "five academic degrees" is "overshadowed by the fact that" he's run five companies. "So we have to keep that in mind." Randal answering questions nobody asked, that's like a nervous tic, and I think it comes from way over-rehearsing, which itself arises from the fact that he taped this shit a hundred years ago and has spent every day since then being told this is his to lose.

Trump then asks Randal whether Rebecca is "tough" enough to be working "in the world that we're talking about," and Randal thinks that she's maybe not experienced enough to work in "the world we're talking about," not to mention that she "has yet to demonstrate she can effectively lead a team to victory." That's what you call First Blood. George's mic is messed up, but what he says here is, "He didn't ask if she was experienced, he asked if she was tough enough." Randal says that Rebecca has "shown toughness," but he doesn't think she's got "enough for the job we're talking about today." Carolyn tells Randal he's been outstanding since day one, and that "for the most part," and he goes right into that face again, he's led his team very well. Her hair is also huge. "However, I can't believe you didn't check the weather," she says, and cracks herself up. This is a farce. This is where it turns into wrestling.

Trump asks why Randal should be the Apprentice, and Randal offers three reasons. The first is that everybody loves him. He turns to the past candidates and says the following words, my emphasis: "If you believe that I should be the sole and single Apprentice tonight, please stand." Interesting. Because this is both live and bullshit, the standing occurs in near-complete darkness, but I'm told that all but Toral and Adam stood. Rebecca's like, Hmmm. He tries to tell Trump the other two reasons, including the record he's already been practicing and saying, but Trump cuts him off. "Enough, enough."

Rebecca, same question: "Mr. Trump, you've said that if there's a concrete wall in front of you, walk right through it. Well, Mr. Trump, the reason I'm here today -- the reason I started this candidate interview, the reason I've made successes throughout my entire life -- is because I've completely pushed my way -- I've charged my way through those concrete walls in my life, Mr. Trump. At fifteen years old I founded a nonprofit. I raised $750,000 [the cheering starts]. I worked with Colin Powell and Al Gore on that nonprofit, and gained the respect of 265 communities throughout the state of Minnesota. I've changed thousands of…" SO ANGRY, this last. Or just a whole new stage of Rebecca intensity, like, plasma of Rebecca.

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Apprentice

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