Apprentice
Sex, Lies And Altitude

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Miss Alli: B | 1 USERS: A+
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Back from commercials. Manhattan. It's beautiful, isn't it? But our national debt is rising, you know, and the big National Debt Clock is here to remind you of that. They certainly do like that National Debt Clock. Time-lapse traffic footage further reminds you that things move pretty fast in the city that never sleeps. Well, except for the part of the city that is made up of Sam, of course. We move to Protégé, where Ereka is still in team-leader mode from last time, I think, as she is snotting, "Ten minutes, ladies, ten minutes," as the women get dressed. Amy explains in an interview that the team has decided that for their presentation, they're going to wear "flight attendant suits." What this seems to mean is that they're all wearing black dresses, and they have matching scarves tied around their necks. Well, Heidi isn't wearing black. She's wearing white and a dorky leather cap, and as always, she's wearing her cleavage. She didn't have a single black top? Who goes to Manhattan to live and doesn't bring one black shirt with her?

The women file into the room where Deutsch and two of his minions are waiting. Donny says, "Let's go!" Assorama is in charge of the presentation, and she gamely explains that they decided to do not only the print ad and TV ad that were requested, but also a direct mail piece. Because when you're selling something that costs a couple hundred thousand dollars, nothing works like junk mail. That's just stupid, is what that is, and Donny basically says so. "Let me show you our direct mail campaign," Assorama perseveres, and Tammy unveils the "testicle ad," which is again a very clever piece of photography that...well, yeah, it's the testicle ad. And the tagline is "Upward bound." Gosh. Classy. "Look at this piece of artwork," says Assorama, "would you toss that?" And it is to her credit that she says this fairly convincingly, despite the fact that we know that she hates it. "I'm not going to say what I think of that," Donny smarms, making clear that he gets it. The women unveil the next piece of art, which is the pointy-dick shot with the line, "How do you measure up?" Assorama calls it "simple" and "elegant." Uh...I'll go with "simple." Elegant? No. Donny laughs. The last one they show is a big shot of one of the engines, with the line, "Can you fit in?" Well, sure. Can't have just the male genitalia; that would be discriminatory. Assorama, who I think is a little mortified, says that now, Heidi will talk about the commercial. She will be wearing her Fonzie retro biker cap. Does she think that looks reminiscent of a flight attendant's cap? She looks ridiculous.

Heidi starts -- oh, I do hate that cap -- by leaning across the table so as to very intentionally give Donny a direct line of sight down her shirt, which is so goddamn tacky, I cannot tell you. There's subtle use of sex appeal, and then there's...oh, I can't even tell you what this is. Deutsch -- who is really starting to look a complete pig -- says to her, "I like the lean," and she stands up and wiggles. Her. Ass. Jesus, I despise this scene. She leans more, he drools more. I hate him. I hate her. She again bends over, thrusting her boobs as hard as possible, and says, "We're going to leave the client...wanting...more." You know what? Sexy is one thing. This is...something else entirely. She interviews about how important the presentation aspect is, blah blah blah, and whatever. She actually claims that she was using her "personality," as if you have to lean across a desk to display personality. She can spin it however she wants; there's not a person alive who doesn't know what that was about, and if she wants to do it, she ought to at least admit it with no regrets. Still, I would maintain that at some point -- at some point right around the ass-wiggling, specifically -- it got very embarrassing to watch an adult woman try to pitch herself in business by knowingly trying to make herself look cheap. Embarrassing and, actually, pretty sad.

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Apprentice

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