The Clip Show Hour wasn't that great -- and certainly nothing compared to Martha's -- but we'll hit the highlights, such as they are, in the Extra on it. Chief among them, though: Marshawn and Felisha having a crying and hugging fight in the conference room, much to Toral's hilarious exasperation; Markus somehow thinking the men are pussies for getting up in the morning and not stopping for a gourmet breakfast when they're in a hurry; and Toral telling an old blind woman to get over herself and "accept the good and the bad in life" while attempting to sell her on the visual benefits of HDTV. Comedy gold. Anyway. For this task, the teams were asked to use "wrapping" (that vinyl advertising stuff that always looks cheap) in order to "brand" Shania Twain's new fragrance, Shania by Stetson. Each team has a 1-800 number that customers can call for a free sample, and the team that gets the most calls wins. Despite being told to "think big," both teams opt for sandwich-board advertising -- always classy! Capital Edge PM Alla is swayed by Adam to split the budget 60/40, advantage crappy-looking horse-drawn carriages. Hamstrung, budget-wise, Felisha does her best to hire as many sandwich-board temps as possible, but only hires fifteen to Excel's sixty. Even though this is obviously the reason they lost, Felisha never explains the very good, actual reason for this: Alla stupidly gave Adam too much money for his crappy carriage idea. Capital Edge calls in to Radio Shack for megaphones, and they start consolidating them at one store (17th & Broadway) -- only to have two-person Excel's Randal (the PM) and Rebecca accidentally find out about this, and scoop the lot. I'm not done thinking about this quite yet, but I know I'd be a lot more scandalized if Randal and Rebecca weren't so adorable giggling about "Operation: Sabotage!" and having so much fun sneaking around behind the other team's back. Things quickly degenerate: Excel's got a hysterically funny crazy man in a big pink van screaming at passersby, who dial out of fear, while Capital Edge mainly seems to be physically accosting people and forcing them to call -- even dialing for them on their own personal cell phones, and their carriage wraps look like total hell. It's all...somewhat less than dignified. Excel wins -- by only five calls, which I think is pretty nice for Cap Edge, frankly, considering they fucked it up from Go -- and Randal and Rebecca get to do some horseback-riding and dining with Shania Twain herself. As a registered Canada-fetishist, Shania puts me in something of a bind, but I can say that she is: very pretty, genius good at playing the game, very nice, and, one assumes, smelling lovely. Also good at: looking like a lunatic on vinyl advertising. Not so good at: looking like she wouldn't rather die than be there, taking her damn hat off at dinner, or giving Tyra-esque speeches about hard work and the fruits thereof. Alla plays Adam and Felisha off each other about double as well as she ever has before, leaving everyone in suspense as to whom she's going to force off the team. Girlfriend is terrifying, I love it. Down in the Boardroom, Trump immediately sends her away, so that Adam and Felisha can turn on each other like Jude and Sienna outside Balthazar. Which they do, and it's gorgeous, but Adam fails to make his case ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and plus, I'm a child with a childlike sense of curiosity and still-developing yen for learning!") and is ultimately fired, less than shocking, but still sad. And next week's final four gives us the Slytherin/Gryffindor Grudge Match of the century! Tasty.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously, but secretly, on The Apprentice: Melissa was thirsty and horrible and couldn't shut up. Diagnosis: Rabies. Then Marshawn trampled on Felisha's brochure ideas, causing them both to cry -- which again, my dear, women in business simply should not do -- and Toral got hilarious about how lame they are. Chris preferred mark's functioning illiteracy to Markus's big bag of bullshit, and was fired, and I was sad, because I like him. Jennifer W. threw a party so lame even 80-year-olds and Carolyn were like, "This fiesta blows, bizzatch! Break out the hooch!" Then Toral explained HDTV to a blind woman, fantastic, and urged the old blind woman to "take the good with the bad." Then the old woman punched her right in her stupid face: "Find the good in that, you giant asshole!"
Markus slept in and made everyone late, then demanded breakfast, and Adam almost smacked him. Winning proved to be against Toral's fake religion, and she was cobra'd and it was awesome, and then Billy Corgan called to tell me he found Toral "a tad delusional." Jen M. said Zenthura one million times and it was still incredibly hilarious, and Kristi was fired for being mean to her. I still think she's cool, but in her exit interview she said "the difference between me and the rest of the world…" and no matter what follows, that phrase makes you a jackass. I hate that "say it to my face" bullcrap, because it exculpates you from grownup responsibilities like reading body language and knowing what the etiquette of a situation is. It just takes the whole thing off your shoulders. Hate it.
Alla thought about taking Markus out execution-stylee after he dicked around for four hours, calling him the new Toral, and failed to convince superstud77 (Google it, you'll thank me) that she wasn't his mommy, but won anyway. Josh made an enormous asshole of himself at happy hour, putting Brian on shout about his crush on Jen M. Marshawn tried to help out with the public speaking, making the most romantic and effective plea of all of them, but it was still a bloodbath, but Brian worked it out adorably: even if the perspective next to Jen M. made him look like he had tiny T-Rex arms, they were sexy and yearning to hold you tenderly as only a T-Rex can. Randal and Marshawn fought about epistemology and expertise, and Brian and Rebecca were weird about this, but Markus is a total fuck-up, and superstud77 never met a person he couldn't offend, so it was fine. Adam and Alla had a sun-through-the-clouds moment about his virginity, which ended up being kind of sweet.
The Star Wars task was so boring I don't even remember the forgotten footage, and then Randal and Rebecca had a whole problem about Jidé's picture on his poster, which admittedly had more problems than just the picture. This is ironic because they caught one big aspect of the issue, and skipped the whole V-Chip issue altogether. Interestingly, she went to superstud77 to complain, which seems like a smart move in order to get him on her side -- he likes to bitch, and it would at least get him off her back for a few seconds. Superstud77 fixed the picture, and Rebecca was happy with him for a second, until the giant violin started.
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