Previously, but secretly, on The Apprentice: Melissa was thirsty and horrible and couldn't shut up. Diagnosis: Rabies. Then Marshawn trampled on Felisha's brochure ideas, causing them both to cry -- which again, my dear, women in business simply should not do -- and Toral got hilarious about how lame they are. Chris preferred mark's functioning illiteracy to Markus's big bag of bullshit, and was fired, and I was sad, because I like him. Jennifer W. threw a party so lame even 80-year-olds and Carolyn were like, "This fiesta blows, bizzatch! Break out the hooch!" Then Toral explained HDTV to a blind woman, fantastic, and urged the old blind woman to "take the good with the bad." Then the old woman punched her right in her stupid face: "Find the good in that, you giant asshole!"
Markus slept in and made everyone late, then demanded breakfast, and Adam almost smacked him. Winning proved to be against Toral's fake religion, and she was cobra'd and it was awesome, and then Billy Corgan called to tell me he found Toral "a tad delusional." Jen M. said Zenthura one million times and it was still incredibly hilarious, and Kristi was fired for being mean to her. I still think she's cool, but in her exit interview she said "the difference between me and the rest of the world…" and no matter what follows, that phrase makes you a jackass. I hate that "say it to my face" bullcrap, because it exculpates you from grownup responsibilities like reading body language and knowing what the etiquette of a situation is. It just takes the whole thing off your shoulders. Hate it.
Alla thought about taking Markus out execution-stylee after he dicked around for four hours, calling him the new Toral, and failed to convince superstud77 (Google it, you'll thank me) that she wasn't his mommy, but won anyway. Josh made an enormous asshole of himself at happy hour, putting Brian on shout about his crush on Jen M. Marshawn tried to help out with the public speaking, making the most romantic and effective plea of all of them, but it was still a bloodbath, but Brian worked it out adorably: even if the perspective next to Jen M. made him look like he had tiny T-Rex arms, they were sexy and yearning to hold you tenderly as only a T-Rex can. Randal and Marshawn fought about epistemology and expertise, and Brian and Rebecca were weird about this, but Markus is a total fuck-up, and superstud77 never met a person he couldn't offend, so it was fine. Adam and Alla had a sun-through-the-clouds moment about his virginity, which ended up being kind of sweet.
The Star Wars task was so boring I don't even remember the forgotten footage, and then Randal and Rebecca had a whole problem about Jidé's picture on his poster, which admittedly had more problems than just the picture. This is ironic because they caught one big aspect of the issue, and skipped the whole V-Chip issue altogether. Interestingly, she went to superstud77 to complain, which seems like a smart move in order to get him on her side -- he likes to bitch, and it would at least get him off her back for a few seconds. Superstud77 fixed the picture, and Rebecca was happy with him for a second, until the giant violin started.