Apprentice
Shaniagans

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Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Ten: Keep It In The Aughts

What's going on with Capital Edge while all this respect and accomplishment is toasting warmly? Well, they all love each other, right? So just more of the same, rallying in the face of their five-call failure? Not exactly. What's going on is, however, totally awesome. Alla's doing her nightly regime in the bathroom and talking Adam into quite a tizzy: "Every second matters! We left a half hour early! It wasn't just the workforce!" Adam, willing to be led, is like, "I remember you said all that, Queen Alla!" He interviews that Felisha didn't come through for them, because she only brought 15 sucky people and the street-team stuff didn't help at all. He fake-worries to Alla, "It was a labor issue...they're going to pick at that…" like he just hopes Felisha doesn't get fired for being such an idiot. "They got sixty people! Why not Felisha?" I guess we skipped the part where Alla slipped Khan-worms into his ear, because the answer is: your stupid worthless carriages took up all the budget. Whistling a private tune of self-satisfaction, knowing Alla's completely in his corner, Adam goes off to suck his thumb and play Game Boy DS, knowing his back is covered.

ACT TWO! Alla and Felisha are now both at the sinks, getting their late-night girly stuff done. Yet again, Felisha ignores the combination-skin moisturizer. Look, I'm telling you this because I love you: I think you're actually quite beautiful, just lovely, but you have got to take better care of your skin. Exfoliate and moisturize! That's all it would take! Not to get all Kyan skin-Nazi with you, but you're only a fucking year older than I. I know plenty of actual forty-year-old smokers, which is what you look like, and to a one they still have better skin than you. There's still time! In a week you could deal with this, given some competent advice. Why didn't Josh help you out here? Or in fact any of your buttery-soft, clear-skinned bitch teammates? Spend the money, girlfriend! I get kind of crazy about exfoliation, sorry. Alla floats that it was a time-management issue, as she did with Adam, but this time highlights the time taken wrapping those awful carriages. Again with the evil laughter echoing across America. Felisha posits that Adam will say, "But where were the people?" because that's how he thinks. It wasn't one thing, but it's Adam's "naïtivity" that will get in the way. Props for adjectiving a wordness that didn't necessible the helpation, but the sentiment is right, and she's smart for seeing it: not even as a lever in the Boardroom, just the issue qua the issue, Adam would see a strict while ($ sales= X-5){ issue there, even taking himself completely out of the code, it would still look like that to him. "What will you tell Trump? That's the hardest question," murmurs Felisha, and Alla nods, and nobody knows what the lady's planning. And that is beautiful. Here's the relevant line from my verbatim notes, at this point in the episode: dude this is goingto be so fking awesome.

Oh, and I was right. Down in the Boardroom, Trump gets there faster than ever: "Excel only had two people. One with a broken ankle. On a street task." That's the bottom line, and I love that Trump got to say it, because it's gorgeous; say it out loud and you'll see. Felisha immediately starts in about how there's "not one single reason," but Trump again is like, "Two people, three ankles between them, though." Felisha -- smartly -- retorts that one could -- certainly, in that situation -- hire "as much staff as possible, to make up for that difference." Trump asks why they didn't, and Felisha fumbles horribly: "It just wasn't something we considered, sir." And that is when I started lobbying for her to go home. She's better than Adam in every way -- not like that's hard, given the competition -- but that shit is unforgivable. And the sick part is, she didn't avoid it because she was trying to be nice to Adam; she did it because she's still permanently stuck to Alla's ass, and that's idiotic. At this point, saying that this was a problem with the campaign as a whole -- and something she was pretty vocal about -- would be more of a diss on Alla than Adam, and she knows this, so instead of going after it, she keeps quiet. Felisha! You are dead to me! Alla doesn't care about you! You have got to know better!

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Apprentice

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