Kinetic comes in and like, here's the thing. I would let Heidi win every week. I don't care. I am not strong enough to resist the power of Heidi. I don't care what company I'm the VP Marketing of, I don't care how many Merv Griffin blowjobs get me to the top: Trump says I gotta make the call, call's gonna be Heidi. I can't be held responsible. So she plops down some copies of the L.A. Times, with the supplement already inside -- nice -- and when they pull them out, it's eerily like a Neutrogena ad, only die-cut to look like two bottles of science living in harmony with each other. The presentation is super stupid and rambling, and I can't tell if Heidi's nervous, or forgot to prepare this part, or is sipping on syrup or what, but it's bad. Chopped and screwed bad, and it takes forever. Meanwhile, as they let their minds drift away from the nonsense she's talking, they turn the pages of the supplement: Heidi, looking ravishing. Kristine, looking lovely and secretly devilish and funny as usual. Nicole, wearing a necklace. So adorable, this thing. Of course, what with Stefani going all "everybody has bad breath" all over the previous one, and then the edit from before, you think: they look totally stupid like they're playing dress-up. But get this: the idea of having hot chicks for models is actually brilliant, now that I'm thinking about it.
"Everybody has skanky gobs" as a marketing concept is flawed due to the unmistakable silent "... especially you" that's implicit with every hygiene and beauty product. It's not the fear tactic ("Well, if even Tim has bad breath, I'm fucked and I better assume I'm stinking up the joint") but the -- again -- Neutrogena thing of turning the problem inside out: If even Cutie-Pie Hayden Panettiere gets zits from time to time, and yet I cannot currently see them on my screen, I better use what she's using. It takes the awkwardness out of having to wonder if you have bad skin or breath or whatever. Obviously Heidi has never had bad breath in her life: look at her; therefore, use [Revolutionary Mouthwash Product] and you'll be pretty, or something. Some indefinable thing that is contained in three cute girls rocking out against halitosis: some thing you really want. Versus getting to look like the schmoes in Arrow's ad, which you already do. And the episode is edited so harshly the other way that you never even get a chance to think about it. So my notes at this point go, "Stop talking stop talking stop talking," and "Nicole so gross with that look she gets," and then some doodles, and then the frightful (but not by comparison) tagline: "Don't take another breath without it."