Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 689 USERS: C+
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Lesson Eleven: The Smartness Is In The Science!

James: "Tim has ideas and yells at us sometimes."
Tim: "I'm your right-hand man every week. I have the big idea every week. You call yourself a 'creative' member of the team, but nobody really believes that."
James: "You are ruining everybody's lives."
Heidi: "So you guys kind of hate each other? Unlike our team, which works really well, and when it doesn't, we eradicate the person? Mr. Trump, I hear them screaming at night sometimes. It can get scary."
Trump: "I know! I'm so glad you brought up how they're arguing even though that's what they're supposed to be doing. It allows me to say something I say every fucking five seconds like it's interesting or relevant, about how people's true personalities come out when they lose, and everybody's true personality is to be a backbiting asshole, because I universalize my own experience of being sleazy, so watching people mid-loss is always great because it validates my lowest-common-denominator ethics and makes me feel like I'm in control because what they're fighting about is, in all honestly, me."

Frank and Tim: [Are so fucking mad it hurts my stomach. Yucky.]
Trump: "James, who do you like better?"
James: "Mr. Trump, going into the next task, I must once again make a really long, disingenuously self-aggrandizing speech about how everybody on this team has one niche that they can handle, while I am a jack of all trades. I will also imply once again that Frank and Stefani are mildly retarded. There will be three of us going up against a very, very qualified team next week, and I want a person that can follow direction, and complements Stefani and I. Since I'm representing myself as the better version of Tim anyway, we can agree that he's redundant, right? I have all the creativity of Tim, I just don't use it. What I don't like to do is work like a dog and get repeatedly insulted and abused, while taking most of the responsibility for the actual mechanics and logistics and reality of the task, rather than just the ideas. In essence, I am better than Tim, but Tim is better than Frank, but we don't need somebody better: I'm better already. What we need is a goat. That's Frankie Suits."
Frank: "Yeah!"

Apprentice

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