Apprentice
Shut Your Smartmouth

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Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Eleven: The Smartness Is In The Science!

Frank asks them -- now that the shoot is wrapped up -- if there's time to maybe try a few other things, because he's not sold on the pictures. And he's right, he interviews -- and I agree -- that the pictures aren't that clear. Turns out you can't emote a smell: it looks like they're yawning. Just like Kristine! I told you! Either way he's right, but it's also 7:40 in the evening, they've still got graphic and all that stuff to deal with. And Stefani's looking at her watch and worrying about it, and Frank's getting more and more upset because nobody really wants to deal with this right now, and then as Frankie's stomping around we cut to a goddamn interview with James going, "At the last minute? Say the idea wasn't good? That is not good. That throws the team off." Especially if by "the team" you mean "me, when I'm PM, and it's my ass." I kind of hated James already for being dumb and not covering his ass properly in the midst of covering his ass, but he did something really stupid last week in conversation that I can't even remember due to that episode being so boring, and now again: Dude. You got called out in front of Donald Trump for doing this same exact thing. That's the kind of thing even a brain-deadened person who has to watch this show is going to remember. So the disingenuous that you're being, which is icky, is plus like a factor of ten because behind your back your team has been saying this for weeks previous, even. Stefani tries the sane, not-prickish approach: "I... see what you're saying? But at 7:40? Really? Do you think it's physically possible to start over?" And Frankie, boy, he is just a man-child on the edge this whole episode. I wish I still hated him so it would be funny. Mm, it's still kind of funny. So Frankie goes stomping off in like a third direction now, all "Fine! Next time I'll keep it to myself!" Stefani calls up to the balcony he's just stomped away from: "Frankie! Frankie!" But he doesn't come back. Frankie Suits has had it.

Heidi interviews about how -- like with the Witch Car task -- she suddenly went crazy and needed to take a hundred thousand pictures of the product, tote bags, Saturn, a yeti, her hand, her hand the other way, this really cool old house, a potato chip that looks exactly like Angela Lansbury, some dump trucks, chromatographic electron microscope pictures of NaCl or what they call common table salt. Everything that reflects light, Heidi needs a picture of it. Of course she's right, because they need all this for the design thing to really fly, but it's funny to watch, like, this gorgeous intimidating woman trying to get just the right angle on a black vinyl tote bag. She sends the girls on to get started with the designer, and Nicole's got questions questions questions for her, and I guess since she's creative that's okay, except like there are three of them. It's not like she's going to get a Blue Letter for picking a circle over a square. Maybe I just didn't understand the question. Heidi's like, "I have to take fifty more pictures of some crap, so just go brainstorm with the one other person on our team about that no-doubt very important question, and maybe you guys can come up with, you know, something." Kristine and Nicole make faces at each other about this, and how Heidi's apparently covering her ass or something because "creative" isn't on the line if they lose. Now I am fully willing to say that this editing is monkeyed with, because Heidi's getting the Goddess Queen edit right now and surely Kristine and Nicole, one of whom I like a whole lot (and the other of whom has intelligence and energy of a scrappy sort, like a Dickens character or inner-city paperboy of the '30s) but like: photographs? Heidi. Actual design? Heidi, in a sec. Concept? Not sure; assuming Nicole, due to the usual confusion between herself and the product they're meant to be marketing.

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Apprentice

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