Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 840 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Washing out

This week's Trump motto is "Never Settle." And this week's designated ass-kissing underling is a construction guy in a hardhat. I think all the ass-kissing underlings should get together someday and do a benefit recording of "Take This Job And Shove It" for tsunami relief. Trump goes on to rant about how people "settle for mediocrity" because "they're lazy." Of course, in Michael's case, he settles for metea-ocracy. Trump watches a building ripped to shreds, and you can tell how his heart beats a little faster whenever something he doesn't own is destroyed.

At Magna's studio, Erin, Alex, and Bren have finally arrived, and as Alex explains, they're still working on that awesome commercial, and their actress is totally pissed off. She complains that she's been "treated pretty poorly," despite the fact that everyone has tried to pacify her, so I don't know what she wants other than possibly a cookie. Shut up, Actress Lady. Bren does us the favor of explaining that Erin simply didn't know how to "deal with a pissed-off woman." Of course, he's married, so he knows, and ha ha ha, women are crazy! Aren't they? CRAZY! Bren proceeds to hand out a bullshit apology to the actress full of the kind of shallow, inane sucking-up that idiots always think women love, and because this show is nothing if not a celebration of gender stereotypes, the actress gets all blushy and aw-shucks, and she totally forgives them. Aw, yay! I hate people.

Over at Net Worth, Kristen is supervising the creation of a fakey-looking street race where her "marathon" guy can come running along, rub the Dove on his face, and be rejuvenated. Tana welcomes the models, while Angie pretends to be all respectful of Kristen, in a way that doesn't do a very good job of hiding how much she, in fact, can't stand Kristen. I always find myself secretly admiring the people who are really shitty liars. Again, Kristen talks about how her boyfriend is a director, so she must be able to be one, too. Kristen explains that she sent Audrey off to work with Tana with the models, but snots that she did it just to get Audrey out of the way. You can see right here that Kristen laughs with delight as the guy, who goes in looking all sweaty, just rubs the Dove on his face and wipes it off with a towel. Which is not the joke. Audrey speaks for us all when she points out that the commercial is, in fact, incredibly stupid, and watching the model suddenly try to look rejuvenated is rather a grim thing. A couple of the models actually mention, in kind of an offhand way, that he's putting it on his face. And, you know, it's a body wash. But Kristen assures them you can use it on your face. Of course, you can. You can probably also use it to do dishes, but that doesn't mean it would be a good idea or that that's the intended market. But anyway.

Apprentice

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