Apprentice
Soap Dopes

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Washing out

Magna has a team meeting in which Erin comments that she thought they wanted racy, and the team thought it was delivering racy. Bren sadly says that he bears some part of the responsibility for the stupid idea. Alex interviews that this is exactly true -- if Trump hates the whole idea of what they did, Bren will be the one to take the brunt of the wrath of the Hair. Alex says, though, that Bren's firing would be a terrible loss, and accordingly, Erin says in the meeting that everyone supported the idea, stupid as it may have turned out to be. Elsewhere, Kristen is trying to get Tana fired up to blame Audrey, which seems like such a totally losing battle, I cannot even tell you. Tana interviews that, indeed, Kristen wants Audrey out, and she thinks Kristen will ultimately get rid of Audrey. Bren's words, as they head out, are that the Boardroom will not be pretty, because he's sure Trump is not happy about the universal sucking.

Ding! The teams enter the Boardroom. When they're all seated, Erin and Kristen stare grimly ahead, the Two Brunettes Of The Apocalypse. Trump reminds them how much Nipples thought they all totally screwed up the assignment, and how "terrible" both of their commercials were. Asked for her opinion on how the team did, Erin accentuates the positive, saying that the team "worked together well," and they met deadlines and didn't fight. In other words, they sucked functionally. Which, I agree, is better than the alternative. Trump points out that they still made a shitty product. Trump calls for the Magna tape. Bring on Cucumber Dick, the Homosexual Commercial!

Vegetable porn ensues. When the commercial is over, Trump is like, "Ay-yi-yi." George adds that he doesn't see anything in their ad that he thinks would appeal to Dove as the way they want to promote their product. Trump says he heard it was Bren's idea. Where did Bren get the idea? Bren immediately loses every point he has gained with me since the beginning of time by saying the ad is the "very opposite of [his] moral beliefs." But it was a risk. Yes. It was the Risk Of The Gay-Themed Advertisement. LoopTrump tells them that Dove is a yooge product sold all over the world, and they "must have been crazy to think the stupid cucumber idea wouldn't offend anyone." Of course, inability to offend anyone is not the standard by which commercials have ever been judged, but Trump will not be slowed by logic.

And now, it's time for the Net Worth ad, in which we learn that body wash is actually rather stanky. The runner runs, sweats, wipes, dries. "Boy, that's terrible," Trump says. He goes on to say that normally, ads are subjective and you never really know. But you can tell that both of these suck. Hee. Asked for her opinion, Audrey says, "I think Kristen was terrible." Double-hee. Audrey goes on to explain that John's joke was funny the way it started out, and Kristen turned it into something stupid and not funny. Craig, incidentally, is working a glorious 'fro that he teased the shit out of in the L-Pal beforehand, and I personally think it's hot. I mean, would I have him wear it like that every day? Maybe not. But he looks awesome. In my favorite line of all, Audrey says of Kristen, "She doesn't have the personality to make it funny." Which is exactly true, and painful. Well, and therefore painful.

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Apprentice

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