Apprentice
Soap Dopes

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Washing out

Michael, afraid that Bren might just ground his ass, decides to take the easy way out by pretending to be sorry, and then goes on to interview that this might be his "readjustment phase." Boy. Talk about phrases used exclusively by assholes. I have a physically powerful urge to yell, "Readjust this!" He throws some crap around at his team about how, boy, gosh, he's really sorry, and he's going to pull it together. Apparently, he had some sort of nimrod fever during the last task, and now he's all better. Alex, not fooled by this brilliant scheme, interviews that Michael "has delayed his execution." He insists that if there's not a "180-degree turnaround" (and good for him for not saying 360 -- maybe he really did go to college), "the guillotine's going to drop right on his neck." Well, that's colorful and murderous. And, best of all, French.

Morning comes to the Love Palace, and Tana answers the Rhonaphone. Rhona instructs them to wait by the plasma screen, because...well, let's say it's going to end a lot like The Ring, only instead of that swampy kid, there will be Trump. Wow, Tana looks really different without makeup on. Is it possible her nose is bigger before she puts on her makeup? It seems so unlikely. Bren tells us that Magna badly needs the victory, because if they don't get it, "Mr. Trump's going to be ruthless." Oh, he'll do that anyway, silly. Both teams gather in the living room of the L-Pal to wait for something to come on the TV. Just like me on Wednesday nights. Oh, and Bren points out that he knows Magna is making Trump sad, because he has a college education himself, and they're making all college graduates everywhere feel embarrassed, apparently. I admit, they are making me embarrassed, but not for reasons that are all that different from the usual ones. They could all be eighth-grade dropouts, and I would still feel dirty.

Trump actually addresses the candidates via a camera hookup from the back seat of his limo (oh, come ON) where he is on the way to some really important function where he will probably be nodded at by Kelly and Boyfriend Bill. What Trump tells them is that they're headed for a meeting with Donny "Nipples" Deutsch, who will test them on an account for Dove Cool Moisture. As opposed to Dove Uncomfortably Harsh Paste, which went down to a surprising commercial defeat last year at this time. Trump says that at the end of the task, Nipples will decide which team did the better job. The losing team will go to the Boardroom, and somebody will be fired, blah blah. Except for Angie, who is exempt. No, really. No, really. She's exempt. Don't get any stupid ideas.

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Apprentice

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