Apprentice
Soap Dopes

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Washing out

John directs the making of the funky commercial music for the Net Worth marathon ad. I think I liked him a little more when the idea that he was too cool for Kristen and should be the guy making the music was implied, but not shown. This is actually a little too much John Is Cooler Than Everyone. Not that it's not true. And not that Craig isn't also. We even get to see John playing the drums as he interviews that he would have loved to direct the footage since it was his joke, but he's been sent off to do music, so that's what he's doing. But...the drums? It's too much.

Back at Net Worth Studios, Audrey is pointing out that if all of the models are heavily sprayed, they'll need their makeup done again, and Kristen just wants more sweat on everyone. We watch the models do some very fake-looking running (and when I say "fake-looking"...DAMN), and then Audrey complains that "Kristen treated the models as though they were stupid." Audrey isn't quite done yet, though. "She is a bitch," Audrey offers. "A royal bitch." Indeed.

Angie bitches in her interview that the commercial isn't innovative enough, and while I agree with her, I do not enjoy the ensuing lecture on The Box And Where We Are In Relation Thereto. We should be outside the box, you see, and instead, we are in the box. We are in the middle of the box. In fact, we are the box. The box is us. We should be outside, and we're inside. Of the box, that is. Got it? I love Angie, but...shut up, Angie.

Shooting at Magna is getting ready to begin for Cucumber Dick, the Homosexual Commercial. Erin is shooting a scene in which her hand washes the abs of one of the models, whom she forces to take his shorts down an inch or two from his waist so that she can see "the whole ab effect." But when she's watching the footage of herself doing the ab-washing, she admits that she felt like it looked like cheap porn. Oh, if only she had kept her Cheap Porn Detector engaged throughout the remainder of shooting. Apparently, she has the team remove the offending scene from the script. That being the Guy's Abs Are Washed By Unseen Female Hands scene. And really, if you've seen one porno where a woman fantasizes about a cucumber while washing a guy's stomach -- or maybe it's the other way around -- you've seen them all.

Cucumber Dick, the Homosexual Commercial continues shooting (uh, filming) with the actual cucumber portion of the story, in which the same actress who got all prissy about being treated with respect and dignity is now pleasuring a vegetable while rubbing up against a guy dressed like a chef. I can see how she couldn't wait to get started. The members of Magna all laugh hysterically, because they have noticed that in some portions of Cucumber Dick, the Homosexual Commercial, it appears that there is some kind of a parallel being drawn between cucumbers and, well, you know, and this will be the funniest thing anybody ever sneaked into the junior class Spirit Week skit! Michael opines in an interview that Bren came up with this because he's "missing his wife." Heh. We then watch the filming of the exit of the male cook and his boyfriend, and Michael complainterviews that Cucumber Dick, the Homosexual Commercial will win only if the Net Worth commercial is even worse. Oh, look on the bright side, Michael. At least the waiters wound up happy.

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Apprentice

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