Apprentice
Soap Gets In Your Eyes

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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Nine: Pain Is Temporary

Heidi sleeps in the heat like a housecat, stretching languorously like a dangerous yet beautiful jungle killer. Muna's like, "What on earth could I have done to not fuck that task up?" Heidi's like, "I don't know, but I do know you're fucked. I like you, I choose you for my team for life, but you're totally going home." Heidi says the ladies were dumb for going to the store, and that there should have been somebody else to do it. But again, there wasn't, because of Muna, so this point is not really a point. Looks like a point, and she sure is pretty, but it's not like Kristine was fucking around at the lipstick store: there was no way for the labor to fall out. Heidi interviews that they are both fuckups, but that she doesn't care one way or the other. She promises to be fair, and keep her mouth shut, just like always. And I love that, but not as much as the result of her breaking that promise into itty-bitty pieces in a sec. Muna explains that the Bible tells her to destroy her enemies, like a true hypocrite who doesn't understand religion or Christianity in any way, and "God willing," she will draw on him for strength, because that's what God likes: weakness and leaning on him for meaningless shit like this show. She swears on the blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ that Kristine will be destroyed, and that she does not deserve to be fired this week, which is false witness.

There's a funny fake shot of them in the sun, Muna reading a tiny Bible and Kristine reading a book "written by" Donald Trump. And Kristine's explanation of this is actually fairly hilarious, because it's not actually a diss on religion so much as on Muna. She explains that Donald Trump is a stupid small man who only agrees with people that agree with him, and that he's never thought rationally about anything in the universe, so the only way you can win here is to pretend to be him, to step inside those expensive ugly shoes and lie to his face like he wants. In contrast, God is not an asshole, so Muna's stupid for reading the Bible for "strength" when she should be reading up on Trump for "retardedness."

Kristine, verbatim: "God is not the one in there making the decision. I have yet to see God sitting in the chair to his right."
Jacob: "I miss Carolyn too."

Trump: "This is the actual video? This isn't a joke?"
Execs: "For 'shizzle'."
Trump: "Are there any stars on Kinetic? For example this one girl Angela?"
Execs: "We didn't see any part of the task except for the horrible shit right here."

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Apprentice

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