Apprentice
Soap Gets In Your Eyes

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Nine: Pain Is Temporary

Trump: "So you can't tell me that Angela's the best butter-cream tart in the batch like I'm telling you to?"
Execs: "No, because we don't know who that is?"
Trump: "FIRED!"
Execs: "Beg pardon?"
Trump: "Why is this video crappy?"
Execs: "Um, the person behind the camera should know it's unintelligible. Somebody should have noticed that this is a monkey on crack times five."

Andie's dressed like a K-Mart Julie Cooper, and Bedazzled to boot. Bad show, Andie. Angela's dressed like Horatio Hornblower; she's not even trying anymore. She looks like she should have a cigar in her mouth. She looks like the guy on the Monopoly box, but with luxurious blonde hair. Into the boardroom, and look, it's Ivanka! Yay! Ivanka! She and Angela... Wait, is that...? What? Are we supposed to be watching this? ... I think... no. Yeah? Maybe... I think maybe that they are making eyes at each other. I think Ivanka's got the sneak for Angela just like her pop. Trump would...I don't know what Trump would do with that. Stuff I can't think about without my head going Scanners from the sketchiness. Yellow, his tie is yellow, he's wearing a golden necktie.

Trump: "You're all awesome, but you all suck, so this is really hard but also real easy, but also I don't know who you are."
Kristine: "Unfortunately, the problem is that it was a good idea, but then we fucked it up roughly right after that part."
Ivanka: "Was this a problem with the delegation of tasks?"
Kristine: "In that Muna is a bitch, yes."
Trump: "Did you know that your video made no sense? And it was like talking to that one Playmate at Hef's house that's still going, long after all the other ones are asleep?"
Ivanka: "I used to think that you were 'articulate,' which is what white people say when black people shock them by not being drooling cretins, but now I find that you aren't always very 'articulate,' so what are you exactly?"
Trump: "I think she was still being 'articulate' but I think it was just incomprehensible, which is different from not knowing what you're talking about. Trust me."
Jacob: "Fair point, Trump. Good on you."
Kristine: "I begged her to be behind the camera and do the stuff that she's good at. And honestly, she would have rocked that, because I am a good manager, but she refused."

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