Apprentice
Soap Gets In Your Eyes

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Lesson Nine: Pain Is Temporary

"Muna, you're repressed, irritating, and detail-oriented to a pathological degree," they say. "Why don't you handle the details and timeline of the project, because as long as you're bitching and nagging, it might as well be stuff that the team as a whole needs to be bitched at and nagged about?" But Muna declines: she's never heard of a timeline and she doesn't know what one is, she's suspicious about "time" as a concept of physics, "lines" as a concept of geometry. Angela explains to her about how in order to make a movie, there are various set-ups or "scenes" in which actors say lines, and are filmed saying these lines, and these set-ups are filmed sequentially, rather than all at once. Muna's not getting it. "Okay, we have ten scenes, and each one of them needs to be filmed in the next few hours, and each one has specific demands and stuff that we need, as a team, to get them accomplished. You're like a producer?" Muna's like, "What's a team? What's a producer? What's filming? What's a camera? What's television? What's the internet? What's your name? Where am I?" Heidi explains again that her whole detail-oriented, God-fearing vibe makes her the best fit for the job. Muna calls her a liar for suggesting she ever paid attention to a single detail in her entire life, and furthermore, she can't even say the word "detail," because it offends her. She wants to be in front of the camera, of course. She wants to be a star! Kristine looks at her for awhile, repeats that she has tasked Muna with the production, and watches Muna staring back at her like a moo-cow on the train tracks. And she feels the fear.

"Fine, Muna. You're the housewife." Kristine interviews that Muna's really difficult to manage, which we know -- especially for Kristine, who does not take kindly to Muna's questions. Which is interesting, because it's not like Muna's trying to be offensive when she does that; she's a classic deductive thinker. It's not Kristine she's questioning, but the entire universe. So it kind of tells you where Kristine's ego is at that she can't see that, and feels like Muna's trying to dick her. Now, you know I hate those wall-eyed motherfuckers that start every sentence with "Actually" as much as you do, because if you say "No" to everything in the universe, then the universe starts looking like a big "No," and that's no way to live. It's negative and that takes a toll. But it's also eminently logical, and that helps out. It's like... Michelangelo, okay, talking about how there's two kinds of sculpture. The kind where you chip, chip, chip and discover the shape inside the stone, that's Muna: chip, chip, chip and whatever is left, that's the thing. But Kristine's intuitive and she doesn't sculpt that way: creative people build an armature and put coats of clay over it, or papier-mâché, or whatever, and refine the shape as they go along. Business is made up of these two types, because life is made up of these types. And you know what I always say: whatever you are, start acting like the other thing until you understand it, because that way you get both and all the territory in between, and you'll never be Muna'd (or Kristine'd) between the eyes again. While Heidi is all of a sudden having thoughts and feelings, and talking about them, and sparkling and being interesting, Kristine tells us about this thing: she makes the call, knowing that Muna is intractable, to let Muna have her way. But frankly, this is an exciting task, it's fun and sloppy and has all the earmarks of being enjoyable, and you are in part being sidelined because you won't understand that either, so the fact that you've accomplished branding yourself "the boring one" -- on Kinetic -- is kind of something about which you should be taking stock.

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