Apprentice
Something Old, Something New

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Lesson Three: Whoring It Up For The Community

Last week, Donald Trump kept saying "Lam-Boar-Gini" and it was weird. Then the women won a sucky prize, and Toral spent some time with Rebecca's ankle. Chris left, and it was sad but also inevitable and self-inflicted, like in a Scottish play. Apprentice: Martha was a vastly more enjoyable show, and I wish we could trade somebody for Jim, because Keckler will never love him like I do.

A sax player down on the street treats us to a sad Markus-esque tune as the Excel suite door opens. Effin' Mark explains that "Chris and Markus was [sic] in the Boardroom," and opines that there's no question that Markus is the weakest link in the Team Excel chain, and should be fired. Say what I will about Markus -- and I will -- but at least he's not all Deliverance all the time. God. So Markus walks in and everybody wigs; there's a few seconds of stunned silence and then the slow clap starts. Josh tells the team -- specifically Markus, who he just totally crapped on in front of Donald Trump -- to leave the Boardroom in the Boardroom, and just start over. It's a good idea, but somewhat disingenuous of Josh to just baldly ask him, "Hey, all that stuff where I said you were worthless and a dork and a waste of flesh? In front of Trump and his Viceroys, for whose approval you regularly piss your literal pants? Let's pretend I didn't say that, okay?"

On the other hand, it's Markus, so this kind of boneheaded thing works like a charm, because he doesn't know better. Markus interviews that he's a survivor, and acts like he's totally aware of his issues and problems and it'll be a snap to change only like every single thing about himself. This is also the second week he has promised this. I would have been impressed if he'd said something like, "Hey Josh? Go fuck yourself in the boardroom, okay?" And the thing is...so would Josh. But Markus doesn't know that. Mark calls him "Baby" and they all agree to start fresh. Josh treads the line between manipulative and unctuous, patting Markus on the back as they all head deeper into the suite to do God knows what. The ritual paddling of Adam, most likely.

Kristi and Felisha discuss the Rebecca's Ankle situation as Toral accompanies our skating champ back to the suite. Rebecca interviews that she and Toral have "found friendship," and Toral lists their similarities: Rebecca was at Chicago, Toral was from Wharton; Rebecca was a banker, Toral "[continues] to be a banker…" Boy, does she ever, I'll say that right now. She will be a banker all up in your grill until you beg for mercy, but there is no mercy in her. Only banking. Substantial banking experience.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19Next

Apprentice

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP