Something Old, Something New

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Three: Whoring It Up For The Community

Carolyn comes in and asks Jen W. what she's doing, and Jen says "everything down to the table linens, the food, beverage [sic]…" and that's, like, it. Food and "beverage" and ugly table linens as far as the eye can see. That's not event planning, that's a cupcake party for your third-grader. She didn't do anything. Carolyn just looks at her like she's growing a Groucho mustache right in front of her. Jen W., realizing she needs to pad the description somewhat, continues, "Make them feel welcome, very inviting, not too overwhelming." These are not the crazy kind of old people. They're ambulatory, they can talk and walk and joke around. She's acting like old people are for pitying, which makes me not like her. Like she's thinking, "Awww, how sweet," like they're fucking golden retrievers or something. Explains why she didn't put in any effort, I guess.

Carolyn tells us how the whole thing was "very dry, very drab." She stands with Jen W., staring at the cake. An old lady on a Jazzy asks what the icing on the cake says, and Jen W. is all, "It says 'Techno Expo'!" The old woman laughs, and she giggles in this condescendingly conspiratorial way, "Hee, you like that?" So gross. Carolyn's like, "Uh, it does?" Jen W. turns the cake around to look at it, and it's spelled wrong. Carolyn's like, "Um, yeah." It's so awesome. It actually says TETHNO EXPO. Jen W.'s very fucking sanguine about it: "It's supposed to be a C! Oh, well…" (Like, have you met my friend Carolyn? "Oh well" is not in her vocabulary.) Rebecca tells us she was "very unimpressed with the food and the décor," but that she thought they'd "persevere," because they're fun and cool and "could give these people a good day." I like that. A lot.

We spend a lot of time at this point on Toral fucking up the HDTV super bad. It's just terrible. She's stuttering and wrong and keeps pressing the "OK" button and describing it to the totally bored old woman as she's doing it: "And now I'm just going to press the OK button, okay, and then...oh...umm, so then we just press the OK button, okay, and it'll...actually, what we should do now is press the OK button sixteen more times in a row so that...hmm. You know what, I'm going to go run away and hide now."

She has the gall to give us the following interview: "Look, I'm an investment banker on Wall Street. I put together multi-million dollar deals and the TV...I wouldn't say it's below me, but it's not something I would generally do." Except if, say, that were your entire job, which today, it was. Marshawn appears out of nowhere to describe Toral's activity as "attempting to give a presentation." We see Marshawn just staring at Toral and looking exasperated. It's embarrassing.

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