Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

Carolyn checks in, and Marshawn basically tells Carolyn to go check out the display stuff, because they are too busy talking out the presentation for her mess. Brian explains a little about the exhibit itself, the whole good v. evil concept, and Carolyn interviews that their "display is...average. No lights, no music. If Excel wins, a lot of it is going to have to do with the presentation." Dear The Apprentice: WE GET IT.

Marshawn (with Rebecca's intense, yet disinterested, assent) want to have the execs experience it "as a customer," and she's right, and they're going to, but only on the way to complaining that product availability is the worst thing about their stupid display. The conversation is pretty funny, though, because Rebecca is kind of spacy and remote, and her answer is, "You're right." Marshawn wonders aloud what the best ways of getting that part across might be, and Rebecca says, "Um…" out loud. Watch her employ this strategy of acting weird and ditzy to great effect later in this very episode. Cut to Marshawn looking worried but doing absolutely jack shit about another obvious misstep. Marshawn interviews that she wasn't "100% sold" on the display, and started getting scared that she'd get scapegoated for her presentation, even though she's admittedly perfect. Cut to Marshawn looking worried but doing absolutely jack shit about this obvious misstep.

Marshawn, to Brian: "I honestly think that you should do it...why are you looking at me like that?" He's like, "I want you to do it." She knows that, "Brian," but she's not "passionate about this." He says she's more eloquent than he is, which: true enough, and Rebecca makes her usual weird faces at them while her brain works feverishly. She interviews to us that she totally doesn't get what's going on in Marshawn's head right now, but that this is not the kind of thing you start talking about at crunch time. Word. Not to mention: Brian! Stand up! Here's a phrase you should memorize: "Fuck that, dude. You're not dropping out thirty minutes before go time. I'll cobra your ass right now myself. Pull it together." Instead, Rebecca offers to do the presentation. I love her. She's so deeply insane, and yet I agree with her all the time. If I were more introspective and self-obsessed -- if that were possible -- I'd be worried.

You hear the main beginning music with the EPISODE WHATEVER crawl, and the words "Capital Edge" slide up the screen. Lordy. Then there are boots. Then there are legs. Then there's a person dressed in a Jedi outfit. This person is Adam. He's even got the stupid Padawan braid happening. Thing is, he looks terrific. It's like seeing Chris in a football uniform, or Rebecca in ROTC gear, or Trump in a clown suit: a perfect book with a perfect cover. Like how the French serve fish in a fish-shaped dish and artichoke in an artichoke-shaped dish or whatever. It somehow blips reality inside out and actually lends him some kind of dignity. I'd actually give this the time of day. Felisha also looks amazing as Amidala, with the red lip-stripe and white makeup. Her skin looks really, really good. Who knew dressing up like idiots and even more intensely doing nothing whatsoever would make them so attractive?

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