Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

Brian looks fantastic as they head into the boardroom, voicing over that "Marshawn should be fired." Bill and Carolyn look totally dour, like Crucible dour, and Rebecca and Marshawn have matching looks full of intensity and maybe a little regret. Brian has taken his glasses off -- put them back on! Trump asks exactly what the concept was, and Brian explains Randal's whole "good v. evil" deal one more time, then says it was Randal's initial concept, and they all built on it from there. Randal jumps in there to clarify that there are two separate issues at work here, the concept, and then the actual building of the display. Instead of letting him go more in-depth with exactly why that's a factor -- because Randal presumably has something interesting to say here, since he has no reason to cover his ass -- Trump jumps to the whole "missing the client meeting" concept, and Marshawn gives the best "oh, fuck" eye-roll of the episode.

Randal sighs like it's physically painful, then admits that "it was Brian's determination that we leave at 10 for a 10:15 meeting." Trump screams, "Where do you go in New York in fifteen minutes? You know where you go? Half a block!" Brian laughs. Trump's like, "Starting at the suite? And going where?" Brian says, "Chelsea," and this sets off Trump again, because you can't do midtown to Chelsea in 15 minutes and what the hell part of New York is Brian actually from? Because clearly, Trump is implying, it's "Delaware." Brian admits that he's from Murray Hill, and Trump screams some more about the idiocy of this, and Brian has no answer to any of this, because even he is confused by that decision at this point.

Brian says they tried to make up for it with research, because they weren't all too familiar with the series, and Trump's like, "Okay, but it escaped your notice that the main point of the whole thing is fucking Darth Vader? When you sat right here in front of me, virgins and gay dudes and a Martian and no Jenthura, and watched the goddamn trailer with me?" Brian, because he never met a self-effacing, suicidal remark that he didn't embrace, is like, "Well really though, we lost because the execs never gave us the gist of the…" and Carolyn's on it like a whole WASP-y school of helmet-haired piranha: "You would've gotten the gist had you gone to the meeting. You missed this meeting: you missed all this information."

Trump tells Brian he's disappointed, because for weeks he's not stepped up. He asks "Martian" to concur, and she says something out of the blue about how "Brian's heart is not in this anymore" and she doesn't think he wants to stay in. I wonder where that's coming from; that's an interesting comment. Especially because that's what I was going to say about Marshawn, until she beat me to it. Things get even more tense when Trump asks, "You wanna go home to Murray Hill?" And yeah, you know what's coming. "You know what, it's only 30 blocks up the road." I'm sorry, but that's a shitty, shitty thing to say -- it's like on America's Next Top Model when Tyra told my Kyle she was going back to Dairy Queen. Way too harsh for the moment. Janice could pull that shit off, but Trump and Tyra just seem like total dicks when they try it. To his credit, I think Brian gives Trump that look ("What? You can't possibly have just said that shit to me.") you give a guy right before you punch him in the face. Either that, or another in a series of shocked-almost-in-tears faces he makes, I'm not sure. I like Option A. Either way, though: adrenaline.

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