Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

The camera's very herky-jerky around Randal as he takes the early-morning call, which is particularly dismissive, all about how "Don't be late, [Trump's] got a very busy morning." Punctuality is central to a professional persona, don't you find? Giant executives really do live and die by the schedule, don't they. I said don't they?

Into the Boardroom, where Alla's rocking some severe flyaway hair, and Bill's there again as NotGeorge, and everybody looks super-scared and nervous for no reason. Bill looks utterly pants-shitting scared most of the time, this season. Was he always like that? Seriously, it's like he thinks Trump is going to fire him at any time, or pull out a gun and be like, "Dance, monkey, dance!" ["I'd have to go back to those recaps to double-check, but if I recall correctly, I didn't want him to win for exactly that reason; he just seemed overly high-strung to me. Now, it seems like maybe that's just how his face is put together -- that he looks like he just got pulled over all the time." -- Sars] Trump enters, his hair looking particularly silly, and he says, straight-faced, that Bill is "very exciting." He makes the Apprenti watch the trailer for Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith, and they all look very excited and wiggly during it, which is awesome, but weird, because the movie had already been out for a long while before this was filmed. I guess just being involved with a super-profitable franchise with no quality control whatsoever is exciting. Randal in particular is getting geeked out, which is adorable. No shots of Adam, whom I assume is confusing this moment with what the grownups mean when they say that word "sex."

Trump talks about how Star Wars is yooge and has grossed over $13B in sales, counting merchandise and digitally fucked-with Special Edition nonsense every five seconds. I'm so superstitious about the Special Edition, you guys. The only DVD I own is the Collector's Edition of Starship Troopers, because it's my favorite movie and I know it has no chance of coming back Platinum. I'm not buying The Matrix until it is somehow packaged with the actual Matrix. I'm not buying Kill Bill until it comes with actual Hanzo steel. I'm not purchasing The Lord Of The Rings until I am assured that it comes with the actual One Ring so I can "bind them all," and I don't even know for sure what that means, but I don't trust marketing wonks, is the point. Rebecca looks freaky happy about all this, but sometimes her intense intensity just causes her face to curl up like that, I think.

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