Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

(This quiz not brought to you by a vast left-wing conspiracy -- I'm way more of a Republican than you are -- but more by a sense of horror. I'm Jacob Clifton, and I approve this message.)

Anyhow. It's not that she's wrong about any of it, but you have got to be some kind of balls-out...I don't even know what it would take, what kind of person you'd be, to be able to deliver this very eloquent, very impassioned, very precise presentation about how very incompetent, sucky and stupid the person sitting two inches to your left actually is. And whatever kind of person that is, it's not somebody with a hell of a lot of class, and that bugs me extremely. At least you're not fucking Omarosa, though, so that's nice.

Jacob sad, Clay. Jacob drink Stoli. And next week? Effing next week? The teams write and record an original song for XM Radio. DAMN IT. Not only as my personal Kryptonite -- which, at this point it's kind of funny that they keep doing this to me -- but also because what does this have to do with real estate? I assume we'll see the corporate management part of it, beyond the total takeover of this show by product placement, but in the meantime I'm just going to suck my thumb and wait to win that sweepstakes.

So what have we learned about Loyalty? Well, no matter how much of a dick your old boss is, talking about it can bite you in the ass. Ask me sometime about my best friend's forthcoming chick lit novel, The Devil Wears Ill-Fitting Khakis, and the climax of that particular road trip through hell. We've learned that it's not "disloyalty" if you don't actually believe in the rights and sovereignty of the people around you because they are robots -- just how you get to the next level. Loyalty only extends so far as the Council's ability to train you in the ways of saving your pregnant wife's life -- if they refuse, kill their children. Loyalty means that if your team gives you one specific duty and then marginalizes you for every other part of the task, you're an asshole if you don't go along quietly. Loyalty takes a backseat to Sex At Work, even if the guy is a hot graphic-designer type with square glasses and a tight geek sweater, with the stripes and everything. Somehow, although I'm at a loss as to how, Brian learned that Loyalty means being on time, I guess. Rebecca learned that Loyalty is sometimes good, unless you are being loyal to a crazy milkshake-phobe with delusions of adequacy, which we already learned is bad. In the end, I think we can all agree that Loyalty is very important in business, as long as you remember that Loyalty has no place in business. And that's one to grow on.

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