Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

5. Which quote best describes you?

A. "Faster and more intense!"
B. "Who's the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?"
C. "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?"
D. "I don't believe it!" "That is why you fail."

Answer Key:

Mostly A: You are an "Utapau." Everybody's scared to death of you -- even though you haven't done anything weird yet -- because you're totally hardcore and look like you'll cut a fella, or like, suck out somebody's blood. Remember, you can never be too rich...or too emotionally extreme!

Mostly B: You are a "Tatooine." Wear desert colors, do not forget to moisturize, harvest water, and keep your head down. Nobody will know you're there, and what's more -- nobody cares!

Mostly C: You are a "Naboo." Dress like an insane freak, and marry the first chucker who comes along as long as you babysat him as a child. Molestation is the new black for fashion-conscious regents!

Mostly D: You are an "Alderan." You have total style, a taste for flattering gowns, and a secretly rebellious -- oh no! You exploded!

Clay does his team the courtesy of asking whether anybody else wants the responsibility this week, and Adam sure as hell doesn't, and Alla merely stipulates that he can be PM if he treats them with respect. Oh, and she also asks for a magical top hat which dispenses Chimay beer and Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds, and never runs dry. Guess which is more likely?

Clay interviews that his strategy is to "get rid of the strong players as fast as possible," but also that he wants his team to win, because he doesn't want to lose. So...his strategy is less a "strategy" in the purest sense of the word, and more of a contradictory set of realities and desires that paint him in the worst possible light. Got it. Alla promises to give him "200% on this task," and he graciously replies, "That's all I wanted." Then they bond over their common enemy: math.

Meanwhile Excel is meeting to sketch out a few things that don't have to do with anybody's huge, gaping need for approval and constant cosseting. Brian wonders who's seen the movie, and instead of everybody, the answer is: Randal. Who has seen all the movies, just like everybody on earth with the exception of the people we're looking at right now. He interviews himself as a "junkie" and talks about his action figures and "collector's cups and mugs." It's awesome. Randal offers to explain the whole series to them, and I'm sure he'll do a great job of it, actually.

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