Store Wars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed

Brian explains to us about how Randal is the obvious choice for PM on this task, but he's exempt, so "we all looked at each other with blank looks on our faces." Now, I think that what this means is, there's no incentive, for any of them, to have Randal as PM. He's 2-0 and exempt besides -- it's a glory thing, but also no matter what happens, he won't be in the endgame Boardroom, so you'd be limiting the possible firees from three (33%) to two (50%), which benefits nobody. Marshawn nominates Brian, and he agrees to do it, making clear that he'll need everyone's help "immensely" on the details. I love how Brian's constantly being "destroyed" and having "immense" needs and stuff. So much emotion, in such a small package, tied with such a pretty bow.

The Star Wars music plays over a shot of the Statue of Liberty, which is fuckin' idiotic, and Clay voices us over to the studio to meet with the LucasArts guy, Jim Ward (looks precisely like you think the LucasArts guy would look), and the Best Buy guy, Gary Arnold (looks like a foreign porn director). Clay says they were both "phenomenally" ready to help the team, and it is true: they're both way excited about the whole process of promotion of this DVD. Jim Ward is super-crazy excited about how "Episode III is the last Star Wars movie ever," and "Darth Vader is the world's greatest villain," and "everybody wants to see how Darth Vader came to be." Alla calls them "brilliant" and offers that "the best thing [Capital Edge] could have done is spend as much time as possible with them." Which is a hella weird spontaneous comment, but in the context of this episode, was practically required.

There is a totally hilarious PowerPoint presentation over their heads that looks like this:

The last Star Wars theatrical event ever!
A must own DVD in order to complete your star wars collection
The emergence of Darth Vader
The Ultimate Jedi Action
The answer to all of those burning questions

Hee hee. Marketing blurbs are so moronic on paper. Jim and Gary push other important info, like keeping focus on both the DVD and game being available for purchase. Alla tells us she now has "all the information [she] needed to make this thing successful." She's right. There are handshakes all around, and somebody's Living Strong.

Marshawn starts telling us about the Excel meeting with Jim and Gary, and we hear Brian saying that they should leave the suite by ten o'clock for their ten-fifteen meeting. Which makes no sense whatsoever. Marshawn interviews that "since Brian is from New York," she almost believed him, but expresses "surprise" that "he thought it would only take fifteen minutes to get there." We cut to Marshawn looking worried but doing absolutely jack shit about this obvious misstep. I am going to assign a macro to that sentence, "We cut to Marshawn looking worried but doing absolutely jack shit about this obvious misstep," because we're going to be seeing it a lot today. Ten-fifteen comes closer and closer and closer, and Brian's playing on his computer, doing "research." Cut to Marshawn looking worried but doing absolutely jack shit about this obvious misstep.

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