Apprentice
Sweet & Lowdown

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Degradation with a crisp candy shell

Previously on Pop Fizzle: Well, first, Dr. Atkins was born. Okay, that's going back too far. More recently, Pepsi was introducing Pepsi Edge, and had decided that the best way to promote it would be a stunt bottle designed by amateurs. Kelly and his team came up with a bottle with a hole in it, while Andy and his team came up with something that looked like it was invented to demonstrate the word "bloat." Kelly won and yelled, "Check the box!", which caused him to lose any hope of ever being cool, ever again, in his entire life. In the Boardroom, Sandy and Jen were all, "YIPYIPYIPYIPYIP!," and Andy was all, "But -- but -- but -- but --," and they were all, "YIPYIPYIPYIPYIP!", and he was all, "Muh -- fuh -- buh -- ", and then Trump noticed that Andy was having his ass verbally kicked by a couple of girls and fired his ass. Because what kind of a Trump viceroy-in-training can't stick up for himself? Also, this way, Trump gets to keep the girls. What's not to like about that solution? We are down to the final five. Who will be fired tonight, and will it be for partial nudity?

Credits. I like how Chris's face is shown over the words "out of their minds."

The moon. The skyline porn. Manhole, hee hee. We slide up to the ACWDW, where Kevin is asking Kelly what he's guessing as far as who's coming back. Kelly talks about how irritating Jen is, and Kevin puts in that she doesn't contribute much to a team. He generously allows that it isn't quite that she contributes nothing, it's just that it isn't much. Kelly muses about which two of the Mosaicians will come back, and Kevin interviews that he thinks Jen has little chance of actually winning, because "the powers that be are on to her and realize that she's not bringing as much to the table as everybody else is." Kevin is the King of Wishful Thinking. Kelly, Kevin, and Ivana share a toast with some red wine, the better to forget that their fates lie in the hands of a man who has hair like a ventriloquist's dummy. The door opens, and Sandy and Jen return. Ivana passes the news via whisper to Kelly, and Kelly passes it to Kevin. Apex pretends to be happy about the returning pair (or pairs, I guess), but they're not. Kevin asks if the Boardroom was "crazy," and Jen says, all smug and secretive, "You know. This and that." It won't help Jen's image to admit that Andy got fired because she and Sandy were screeching at each other and Trump couldn't believe Andy didn't get them to stop, after all. Ivana asks whether Andy was fired because the suck bottle was his idea, and Jen responds condescendingly that she just thinks the other team should understand that she wouldn't want to talk about it. This is despite the fact that it's been talked about every other week thus far, and Jen herself has crowed and gloated over things that have happened in the Boardroom repeatedly when it benefited her. This sudden routine, like What Happens In The Boardroom Stays In The Boardroom, You Classless Buffoons, is...a load of hooey.

Sandy interviews that it was "the most intense Boardroom" that she's experienced. She says that she felt vulnerable, and felt forced to "defend [her]self to the fullest." Thus all the hollering. Sandy asks Jen whether she expected to be coming back with Andy, and Jen says no, she's been in the Boardroom enough to know that "anything can happen." Which isn't true, because Jen clearly considers herself completely immune to firing and believes she has the system knocked, but whatever. Sandy decides to buy into Jen's "I'm just keeping it real" line, explaining in an interview that Jen "isn't into buttering people up." As reported by Sandy, Jen feels that she shouldn't have to "hand out candy to win a popularity contest." Which is interesting, because I don't recall seeing anyone hand out candy, but I do recall seeing some people do some damn work, have an original thought from time to time, not take credit for other people's ideas, and not lie about other people's work. I've seen those relatively simple steps go a long way toward improving a person's professional reputation. I think Jen, like a lot of people who aren't very nice and also aren't good to work with, confuses the fact that people don't like her with the fact that they also don't respect her. It's okay if the people you work with aren't your friends; it's true that you're not obligated to mold your personality to suit everyone. But people thinking you're going to lie to the boss that they sat on their asses during a task is not good, and it has nothing to do with failing to hand out adequate candy. Anyway, Jen and Sandy talk more in the suite, and they agree that it will be great to have the team made up of just the two of them, without being held back by all the bad people. It's just comical, this entire thing, the way the people this year have all told themselves that their failures are the result of other people being bad, and if everybody else would just get out of the way, they would be so awesome. I think a lot of people in business believe that -- "I would be an awesome manager if it weren't for all these other people." At any rate, Jen has another thought: "I think Mr. Trump wants to see the two of us together," she says with a grin. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but I suspect it's true in a few ways.

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