Clay fishes and says that the reward was awesome and they kicked ass, and he looks really damn good in a baseball cap, and Markus yaks about something, and Alla agrees, and she looks super-cute in her fishing outfit, which is workout gear, and again I'm struck by the weirdness of seeing a team act like a team instead of a sitcom's idea about the Greek system, and then Clay slightly weirds me out about how this victory was great in many ways, but mostly because it's a big "In Your Face" to Josh, who was so "rude" for picking him as one of the three weakest players. Hey, could you share that abused victim perspective with fucking Marshawn? Because I'm sure she'd be sympathetic.
There's a bonfire, and Adam is additionally gay some more about how they "definitely were living it up Trump-style" and then Markus sabers a champagne bottle and I start laughing really bitterly, because one of my original descriptions of him in Week One or Two was how he's "the kind of jackass that does that lame-ass I'm so totally upper-middle lame thing with the big knife and the champagne bottle" and I didn't put it in and now I'm kicking myself, but of course he out-Markuses even my early opinion of him as he screws it up several times, and the whole time the team is yelling safety words at him, with two notable exceptions: Alla starts yelling, "We have faith in you!" because she's both drunk and sometimes sweet, and Adam fully turning physically away from him to talk to somebody else, which was the highlight of the night to me. Markus interviews over this classic douchebag footage with the immortal "I've studied champagnes, I've been to Bordeaux, I've spent time with Margeaux, and Mouton Rothschilde, sabering champagne bottles and just having an amazing time," which I've made fun of him for saying before, but also, he goes to the trouble of pronouncing these things, and doing it hamfistedly, and as the oboes go crazy once again, Alla sums up: "When he does something off the wall, you're like, 'Uh, what?' You know? It's ridiculous. He's ridiculous!" Which seems crude, but is actually a really sweet thing to say, because the word is incompetent. He finally gets the cork off, to the cheers of everyone, thanks to the fact that he'll finally stop yelling, "Look! Look! I learned this in Margeaux! Napoleon possibly did this! I'm totally classy!" and proceeds to triumphantly shake the open bottle crazily all over the place until like an ounce of champagne is left, and then toast, "Here's to Dick's, Donald, and everybody else!" Which is funnier if you say it aloud.