Apprentice
Take Me Out To The Boardroom

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Don't Swing When You're Selling

All right, so then we see Excel for the first time, and that's interesting because normally we don't even see the winning team in action, and I just spent like a thousand words on them. Knowing my predilection for talking about how much I enjoy smart people doing smart things, and how awesome everybody is when they do well, that's probably a big reason I enjoyed this episode so much. Well, that and the bloodbath. So over at Excel, Rebecca gets her one line of the night (if you're keeping score and thinking the same way I am, there's your Final "I haven't had an arc yet" Five: Marshawn, Rebecca, Adam, Brian, and eventual winner Randal), which is that soccer is a good choice of sport due to the fact that you're not eliminating half of the entire world right off the bat. I agree, and she works it. Is there a globally overwhelming sport where women have any kind of presence at all, besides soccer? I mean, I'm still in love with old Lobo and my girl Swoopes, but seriously? In terms of the bucks? Well yes, tennis, which is the only sport I like, but apparently the Apprenti don't know about tennis.

Then Rebecca gets as close to my nerves as I expect her to get this year (and all the people who told me and told me Kristi was obnoxious can write that down and show it to me later, to prove I said it) as she interviews the entirely irritating and ugly "I've been looking forward to working with intelligent people here," which, STFU, girl, because they couldn't care less about you and consider you a liability, so I suggest you take some antibiotics along with your analgesics, because you see to have a tiny case of the Torals, or some other disease that makes you sound like a jackhole. Please don't do this to me.

Meanwhile, James is all about baseball -- Did You Know? -- and he starts getting all conceptual about how it's a "day at the park," and how they'll have food, which somehow makes it a "family event," and already I'm thinking about the Best Buy task, where we learned that Food = Fun...unless it's crappy food, like, for example, baseball park food. ["And Sars, you can't even yell at me here about the constant potshots at the boringness of our national pastime throughout this recap, because you don't eat meat and can barely remember the horror of most baseball food. Not to mention that post-James, we won't be hearing about baseball after this episode anyhow and I won't have to constantly mention how much I hate it." -- Jacob] ["I have a really high tolerance for, and in fact attraction to, mediocre food. Don't forget: I am a connoisseuse of the circus peanut. So, I actually miss shit like Oscar Meyer bologna and, yes, wizened ballpark hot dogs. Thanks for reminding me I can't eat them anymore, FIRED GUY." -- Sars] James further interviews that he LOVES BASEBALL -- Have You Heard? -- and that "as soon as she said sports, I knew we had to go after baseball." Only actually, he says "they," which is telling considering that Bill was just sitting there the whole time and wasn't there as a Viceroy, but as a NotGeorge, which is a little different, but apparently Bill is an authority. Mostly I like it because James thought, "Of course! Baseball!" the way I would think "Of course! Buffy!" Or "Of course! Mary McDonnell!", because of the algorithm where you take your favorite thing and apply it to everything else.

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Apprentice

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