Apprentice
Take Me Out To The Boardroom

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Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Six: Don't Swing When You're Selling

So they humor her some more with her whole "you totally hve to getme more thn8 rader gunz LOL bcauyse I rool!!!!!!!!1!! bo bice ho 4eva" and they're like, "Sell eight and we'll talk, Barbie," and she's like, "ROFL d00d nce I sel six you haveto get me more more bitch LOL" and James ignores her a whole lot, and then laughs at her. Mark interviews that if you "Talk like you rock, you better rock," and we act out on Jenthura, a shadow of her formerly womanly self, with this idle druggy chit-chat about "I love the...the radar gun." (Beat.) "Is that what it's called?"

I am so obsessed with the Dyson vacuum guy. I feel like he knows the secrets and he's not telling. Back from commercial, it's Trump Wisdom Time. "Take It To The Limit!" Trump yells at us that A SUCCESSFUL TEAM CHALLENGES EACH OTHER, and then we cut to him yelling at...somebody, about...something. Blueprints are involved. Apparently screaming over and over at the top of your stupid lungs, "What is this? What are you showing me? Show me what you're showing me! What is this that you're showing me!" is a total "challenge" and will make things run more efficiently. You can't see faces, but the body language around the table is like, "Again with this?" He continues: "Just keep pushing them! Pushing them! Not over the edge, but as far as you can!" Which explains a lot about me personally, but also makes Markus suddenly seem like my ideal business partner, which: God.

Back with Presumptive Josh, the baseball field looks seriously AMAZING. Really great. You don't get that same landscape orientation picture of the golf stuff, but the diamond (before they fuck it right up) looks gorgeous. Josh interviews that "fortunately, the contractors finished it that night," and, like, you shoulda loaned them to Matchstick last week. Josh and James have a seat and talk about how big the batting cage is, and it's 12 feet wide. Because I love Josh and he's giving me very very little work with this week, I want to state very strongly for the record that he is quite worried about this for a second. James is kind of Rebecca-intense about how "we need a cage," gotta have a cage, and then Josh is very, very Jenthura, leaning up against a wall in interview. And I love Josh, and looking at Josh, but he's...admittedly less sexy than Jenthura/Omarosa in the beauty-shot pose, I'll admit. You go, Jen!

Josh interviews that "it's okay, because…" Because blah blah blah, he's convincing himself, basically, in that earlier-this-season Excel way of "if I just say it enough times, it'll be true." James, getting the idea but not completing the thought, admits that the total crazy overwhelming hugeness of the batting cage he's obsessed with means they'll have to be "strategic." I don't know about the time constraints, but it's a big enough oversight that I'd probably Ivana myself here, delaying the whole polish until I could get a smaller one in here, because it screws the whole "five stations where we actually sell a goddamn thing, in this sales task" concept to hell. Josh and Brian move more, and more, and more things out of the way of the Batting Cage That Ate Dick's (I should totally title this recap "The Batting Cage That Ate Dick's," but I won't). You actually see them shoving things behind the five-foot (or whatever, Brian throws off all sense of proportion, which is how they made The Lord Of The Rings) boundary wall, completely the fuck out of sight.

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Apprentice

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