The Butt Stops Here

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
Bitchy,'s not an easy choice

Trump goes on to explain the reward. He claims that Billy Joel is "a very good friend" of his (!), and has a Broadway show, and their reward is going to be going to the theater to hang out with Billy Joel and chat with him. Sigh. See, you have to understand that I loved Billy Joel when I was younger, and when I can keep him in that box, I sort of still do. But the late-model, Girls' Bike Club, marrying-really-young-chicks version of him just makes me weep openly, so as soon as I heard about this reward, I was very depressed. Because the last thing I want to do is see him now. It's strange to think that in some ways, it is now easier to admit that I saw Jack Wagner live. TWICE. (I own both albums.'s...I don't know.) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, step right up. I am the biggest dweeb in history, and believe me when I tell you that Jack Wagner is not the half of it. Anyway.

Oh, and Mosaic will have to come to the Boardroom later, where someone will be fired.

Apex goes to the theater with the big Movin' Out sign. They go inside, and down the stairs walks...late-model, GBC Billy Joel. In an interview, Kelly tries desperately to find some relevance to the Billy Joel reward by pointing out that, like Levi's, Billy Joel is an icon. I watch through interlaced fingers. GBC Billy takes them through the theater, showing them around, and then as they sit in the theater seats, he lectures them, looking under the bad lights like some kind of a droopy, desiccated nightmare, and this is so sad I CANNOT LOOK. He tells them about how the show is a business enterprise on which he took a risk, blah dee blah. So that's what it has to do with them. Ivana says that he talked about the importance of taking risks.

And then, as if attempting to actually drown my spirit for good, GBC Billy sits down at the piano and croaks out "She's Got A Way." know how everybody has a couple of songs that know what I mean, right? They would make you swoon, even if the other person in the situation were kind of gross? This is one of mine. (Feel free to make a note. The second one is "God Only Knows" by the Beach Boys, and the third one is any version of "What'll I Do?") So I find this particularly agonizing, because the guy just doesn't sound the same anymore. Not that he should, being 25 years older than he was when I started listening to him and more than 30 years older than "Piano Man," but still.

Anyway, he tells them to take lots of risks, sings part of a lullaby that I also love that also sounds bad, and finally, we all get to go home so that I can stop the intense hurting.

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