The Final Battle

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice

Lee interviews about how he's been "discounted because of his age," and that he's "happy," but "not surprised," to have found himself here. Pisher. I'm not surprised either, because he's better than everybody else, at certain things, but he's really unbalanced. He doesn't have it all, or any of it in the requisite amounts. Sean toasts Lee about how he cannot think of a "more honorable man" to go up against, and that Lee is a "gentleman and a scholar," a most hated phrase that means nothing and sounds dorky every time, and they all cheer and drink like mad, and Sean giggles and looks like an idiot. I cannot believe this is the Final Two. I don't understand how this has happened.

Sean talks to Tammy and Andrea immediately and locks them down. His lack of a clue drives him to immediately say Tammy's on board not because of his feelings for her, but because she's so great. Which is actually the opposite of a compliment, if you feel the need to clarify that. He's so confused about such a great many things. This pair of fellows is not exactly a study in contrasts. Tammy drunkenly and boredly giggles about nothing. Brent attacks and makes Sean sit down, and he wants Sean to know that he'll give him 110%. Whatever, dude. Tarek tries to tell Sean that he is important in some way. Dan gets super weird intense about how he is "a king-maker at this point" and that Lee should be king. I'm glad they got them drunk like this (I'm not sure about Dan) because of the "I love you man" factor of drinking, where somehow they all have taken on this idea that getting one or the other of them into being the Apprentice is like super important. It's not. But they're so crazed and like, "I will prove myself!" I love it. This is how many marriages happen, I think. Drinking and getting the wrong idea. Allie drunkenly talks about how she really, really wants to be "lifelong friends" with Lee, like they have so damn much in common besides their mutual bewilderment about each other. So sorority, I love it. "We're going to be best friends for the rest of our lives. I won't go down on your boyfriend ever again. Pass me that beer bong." He extricates himself from her drunken ass quite gracefully, like, "Yeah, lifelong friends, you old lady."

Meanwhile, Tarek and Andrea and Tammy sit around in a bedroom, planning Sean's life for him, just like he likes. Andrea wants Sean to win so bad it gives her the Ebola. Tarek tells them a long, sexy story about how he worked at McDonald's for so long, and also at a sewage treatment plant for a while, so he imagines himself to have a "blue-collar work ethic." If you say the words, you don't have it. But I imagine the whole time he was doing the work, he just kept repeating the words to himself, trying to prove something to somebody. "I am demonstrating a blue-collar work ethic. I am a man. I am a hard-working man who's not afraid to get his hands dirty. I think I might throw up." Andrea interviews that it's "no secret" that she believes herself and Tarek are the smartest people. I agree with that statement completely, I just don't think it's a selling point. The real respect and coolness that Andrea and Tarek have with each other makes me like them both more, when I already liked them to begin with. Even if it's based on weird ivory tower presumptions about their own superior intellectual gifts. She says that she hopes Sean will take Tarek on, despite not having worked with him. I said, aloud, "...And it'll be kind of gay." Sean grabs Tarek by a meaty deltoid and goes on and on about his "swagger" and how much he loves the "swagger," and also the "cheeky charm" of Tarek. I love lots and lots of things about Tarek, mostly things on the inside of Tarek but also some things on the outside too, but..."swagger"? He has no swagger. Swagger comes from within, and within Tarek there's just a kid holding a sign and the sign says, "Please?" That's not swagger. Tarek doesn't know what to do about all that and just smiles hugely at Sean.

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