Apprentice
The Final Battle

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Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice

Lee selects the Barenaked Ladies task, and Trump makes the same joke once, twice, almost goes for a third, that it's always best to work with Barenaked Ladies, because Barenaked Ladies sounds good to him. Even though the Barenaked Ladies in question are overweight and pasty male Canadians with nasal, reedy voices, the mere fact of their name means Trump would like to pop a Viagra and hump them. That's how he rolls. It's not offensive in the way he has been lately: it's just a dumb uncle joke. Carolyn giggles. Sean fucking ruins the whole thing: "When you put it that way, I'd choose the Barenaked Ladies!" He says this like it's brilliant, but also like he somehow feels like if he doesn't try for the Barenaked Ladies, that means he's gay, and then what's the point of Tammy? Shut up, Sean. Trump's like, "...At the Trump Taj Mahal," I surmise just to see how much of a fucking asslick Sean actually is. And Sean, you know, will not disappoint: "...At the Trump Taj Mahal." Trump gets excited about the boys fighting over Barenaked Ladies -- who are neither bare naked nor ladies -- and Lee is the very embodiment of class, for once: "I'll take the hockey game." T-Bag's sad about them not fighting over the Barenaked Ladies, but he's like, "Okay, no big deal." He then hurls the heavy leather task dossiers in their literal faces, which is so weird and abrupt and cute that everybody bursts once again into laughter. "I'll be taking my helicopter down to Atlantic City, and a limousine to the ice hockey rink to watch you," he says, like people talk like that, and then says that Team Lee will be Gold Rush, and Team Sean is going back to the accursed Synergy name. I think it should be the other way, given the relative character of these two groupings -- hot smart intimidators and group-hugging whiners in search of surrogate parents -- but like it matters. Trump dismisses them.

Carolyn and Trump and George stare at them leaving, particularly Pepi, and finally Carolyn breaks down once they've gone: "Who was the guy on the far right?" She's laughing at herself, like, "I knew I checked out this season, but damn." (Wasn't he eliminated on an Ivanka week?) Trump has to look at a list to find out Pepi's name. George is finally like, "Pepi." Trump gets very adorable here, futzing around and confused and like, "What happened to Pepi? I didn't recognize him!" They giggle and feel stupid and it's really funny. Carolyn's like, "I don't know! I have no idea!" Trump furrows his brow for once in a way that doesn't make him look sick. "Pepi, you're fired...I don't remember saying that." Carolyn's completely at a loss, just giggling and snorting and weirded out by the whole invisible candidates issue this season. I submit to you that the list here is long, as far as people that would've earned this response: Summer, Theresa maybe, Leslie for sure, Tammy if she'd been eliminated earlier, for starters. Maybe not Theresa, for the same reason as Bryce: when somebody pisses on your conference room carpet, you remember that. Their face at least. Trump wishes Lee luck, whoever Pepi is. I like Pepi, but come on. He was ineffective as PM, never did a thing, and went home in Week Two. I don't think this is a problem. Frankly, it's at the least a relief to get away from Sean and Lee for a sec.

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Apprentice

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