Apprentice
The Final Battle

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Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice

Taj Mahal. Tarek explains the task for us again. Andrea has the Excel color-coordinated timelines by which I live my entire life. We are soulmates, I knew it. We even seem to use the same colors! So crazy. Does this mean I'll have Ebola soon? She lists all the shit they have to do, and it's impressive: they need to brainstorm some creative fundraising ideas (I don't know who would be point on that, they're missing that part -- although, as we'll see, not like Team Lee!), get the dressing rooms and backstage stuff together, do the pre-party, cover sound check and rehearsal, do a brunch welcome party, manage the concert itself, and take care of Trump. That's huge. God, how fun would that be? I'm freaking out. That's like a reward to me! Lucky bitches. Sean interviews that there are a "lot of moving parts" in there, and that they spent hours just planning. I am miffed we didn't get to see more of that, but then, that would not be so fun for a lot of people, I think, to watch intense party planning. There should be a show of that. Dude, I would be so crazy for that. They sit down with the inordinate hotness of the World Wildlife Foundation person -- what is it with the granola-sucking sexiness of ecopeople? -- who wants to "seem credible" and wants to raise at least six figures. Tarek jokes that they have a millionaire friend who'll be arriving Tuesday. Sean takes everyone on a tour, including SLS Speakers, who are sponsoring the party, and Tarek talks to them about signage and branding. They start thinking about seating for the concert itself, and how they need places for the sponsors and Trump, and I don't wanna be there when he's confronted with the Bare Naked reality. Sean goes: "Blah blah blah." Something about how there are many responsibilities. I think the reason Sean's interviews make me want to jump out a window is that you can totally see what the interview question was, based on his overheated response. "Are there are a lot of responsibilities? Talk about that." "OH MY GOD THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO DO AND NOT A LOT OF TIME TO DO THEM AND NOW I HAVE PICKED UP A COKE HABIT TO GET THEM DONE AND RIGHT NOW I'M TEXTING ON MY BLACKBERRY USING MY PREHENSILE TOES BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO AND NOT A LOT OF TIME TO DO THINGS" and that's how Sean is, but man. Stop wearing yourself and myself out with the energy of it and just, you know, do it.

Roxanne, who you never know what she means, tells Lee: "You're going to be the next Apprentice! Awesome!" Her voice is saying "awesome" but her face and body are saying, "I will never drink around these people again, because this is so boring and pointless and I can't believe I'm on this team." They go into Leary's production company, and meet with the foundation person, Lys. Who is an interesting character. On the one hand, she's not ready for prime time, and doesn't seem to think looking good on TV is a necessary thing. Or maybe she's just thinking the cameras are there for decoration. When I appear on television bedraggled, it's because I'm an alcoholic and just got off the floor when the cameras arrived. I don't think that's true of Lys. I think she just doesn't think looking her best is a really big deal. On the other hand, I can't disagree with a single thing she says, and I really like her. So there's that. And I don't think it's the schadenfreude of watching her call Lee out, either, although that's not a bad thing. Basically, she explains, the foundation fills in the gaps between what the government can do for FDNY, and what the department actually needs. She's totally intense, and her voice is really sharp-sounding, just like all charity people. You have to have an allergy to the word "no" to be in fundraising, and I do not have this allergy, so they're like aliens to me. Dan squared, because it's not even salesmanship, it's what's beyond salesmanship. Instead of "Give me money and I'll give you this thing," it's all, "Give me some money...or else."

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