Apprentice
Apprentice

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 592 USERS: B-
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Lesson Thirteen: Stinky Bums Are Definitely Funny

So Kelly's kind of raging sexy for just like this one millisecond as he looks at them sneakily: "So you know what's gonna happen?" They're confused, and then scared. "There's only one more task." He tells the teams -- Stefani/James, by decree, and Nicole/Frank, by default -- to choose their returnee "employees" carefully... and they have thirty seconds. While this is only just an empty threat, it still got exciting for a second. They retire to corners -- the Randal/Rebecca iteration of this is still the coolest ever -- and their conversations are hilariously well-edited.

Nicole: "Okay, Tim and somebody."
Frank: "Agreed."

James: "How about Angela?"
Stefani: "Who?"

Nicole: "Who else is a male person we can look to for authority, even though we're the bosses here?"
Frank: "Oooh, Aaron?"

Everybody: "Carey?"
Everybody: "Heh."
Everybody: "Michelle?"
Everybody: "HA!"

Stefani: "Not Surya. I beg of you."
James: "Fucking seriously."
Frank: "Ooooh! Surya!"
Nicole: "Excellent!"
Frank: "Kelly! We finished! Yay! We got done first! Does that mean we win?"
Nicole: "That's entirely possible."
Jacob: "... Yeah. It is. This season is awful."

Kelly: "I don't know who any of you are because I figured out the joke of this show a while back, but whatever. Who do you pick?"
Nicole: "Tim!"
Everybody: [gasps, dies of shock]
James: "Aaron! He's... pretty!"
Frank: "Surya! He's... we don't know why!"
Stefani: "Angela! For the same reason!"
Kelly: "What's really cute is how you all think you're total wheeler-dealers. I remember being caught in the total craziness of this show too. It's adorable, really. Please use your inside voices, though."

Nicole: "I'm not being rude or anything, like I've accidentally been every time I've spoken in this episode, but like, Angela? Really? Because don't you remember how she didn't do anything but then cried because she hates our ethics? And how like James is ethically challenged? And that's the total nubbin of them both? And also you've never actually met?"
Nicole, in interview: "Total bluff. God knows I couldn't pick Aaron out of a lineup."
Randal: "Meanwhile, though: Surya? For real?"
Nicole and Frank: [babble intensely; I still don't get it personally]

Apprentice

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