After a bit of interview where James fills us in some more on how flawless his performance continues to be, exec lady in the audience is like -- kind of exhaustedly -- "Here come Frank and Nicole... " Frank does more of that Talking Good he's been working on lately, but then you notice he keeps flicking his eyes down to his hand, on which he... has written his 30-second introductory speech. This is like watching Our Gang. He's always like watching Our Gang, of course, but this ... remember when Mike Seaver learned history by writing it on his shoes, only to have that bite him in the ass when his hubris led him to prop his cheating shoes up on the desk? Remember how that was a sit-com, as in, ostensibly comedy? And this is not comedy, insofar as the show itself still doesn't seem to get the joke. And neither of them are actually that funny, although I will admit that the constant potshots at Tracey Gold's weight every week on Growing Pains have aged quite nicely. Frank states dubiously that his commercial will be demonstrating "how [Friday Night Lights] is important in your everyday life," and honestly, if a room deodorizer is that important in your everyday life, you need to seriously interrogate where the unfreshness is coming from. The answer might surprise you, Frank.
So this woman is on her way to some kind of lawyer thing or business thing, but she's running late, but she has the folder hidden in her massive purse because she's the kind of woman who is prepared and "powerful"; but then her friend is like, "The smell is coming from your jacket" and the lady is like, "I knew Nicole was a smoker!" and she sprays [Friday Night Lights] all over her jacket and her friend is like, "I thought that was just for the air!" and she says, "No, it's also for my stinking self." And you think, wow, that wasn't so bad, right? They left out the bum, and the kid and the hospital... everything awful, they left it out, and just made it once again about Nicole's insecurities, which is a winning combination, and I don't mean that in a shitty way, I mean that Nicole is a control group for the target audience. She says this is what the ladies are worried about, go for it. It's not like Frankie Suits will ever know the touch of a woman, much less understand what goes on in her head.
But so then instead of ending, the commercial goes insane again! Just like the other one! The two ladies, neither of them stinking, one of whom is schlepping a huge bottle of deodorizer everywhere she goes, head out the door and then there's a blasted strange edit and they're coming back in from the other direction laughing. It's like having a seizure. So they're like, "That was so fun! We really gotta rip open time and space more often!" and then the phone rings, and suddenly we're in a whole other commercial where the guy's friend calls to say he's in the hospital and then in the hospital the 38-year-old kid has a football in his lap and he's all, "If my ankle doesn't kill me, I would like it to be more like home," and points his stupid motherfucking finger over at the stinky bum, who just kind of rolls around still being totally sexy. So up in the audience, the execs are laughing like crazy, but like: maybe not right then? Maybe at some other point? Maybe during the feature that I hope followed this dual catastrophe? Because I like the execs, and more than that, I like the idea of them being edited to look like assholes who are complicit in the Stinky Bum Thing, so they can be like, "We hate Trump now" like everybody else does. Frank's in the corner doing some intense overbiting, like, "OMG so funny, right? Stinky Bum?" and then it actually does get pretty funny when the son is goes, "Wow! The odor is eliminated! And now it smells like home!" I don't know why, but that's like, so fucking funny to me. Wow! The odor is eliminated! He says it just like that, too. It's awesome.