The surprisingly short interview segment featuring the final three is entirely anticlimactic once it becomes clear that not only is Craig kind of a jerk, but he's the worst interviewee in history. Every answer sounds like it came out of an online answer-generating application, complete with sentences constantly doubling back on each other. So, Craig? You are fired. Like, a lot.
Tana and Kendra are then assigned to their final tasks: Tana gets an athletic exhibition to promote New York City's 2012 Olympic bid, while Kendra gets a videogame tournament. For the first time, the candidates who return to "help" appear to be specifically chosen because they suck -- Tana is given Chris, Kristen, and Brian, while Kendra is given Erin, Danny, and Michael. Despite this obvious disadvantage, Kendra and Tana go off to begin their final tasks. Tana's team can't stop arguing (Brian and Kristen still hate each other), and Kendra's team can't stop screwing up (Danny still stinks at organized thinking), so things are looking rough. We go out on the image of one of Kendra's sponsors threatening to exit the event, so that can't be good, which means it almost certainly doesn't matter in the end. What will happen? Who will be hired? Will Tana find a use for her leftover rhinestones? Tune in next week. Things could get sloppy.
Previously on Get Shirty: The teams were asked to create and sell a shirt that was art, and art that was a shirt, and it was this collision of utility and self-expression that, like, whoa. Suzanne Somers's laugh and Tony Danza's laugh had a baby, and they called it Alex's laugh. A couple of pop artists sold their credibility for a stack of greenbacks. Craig and Kendra couldn't stand each other, and although neither of them would be the world's most enjoyable person with whom to be trapped in an ATM vestibule during a power outage, Kendra emerged as the less obnoxious of the two, which is really saying something. We learned that Craig's answer to questions for which he has no rational response is, "It's irrelevant." Tana looked at the entire task through Bedazzler goggles, and she wound up dragging Alex to Staten Island to tap into the world's extremely limited supply of doodads. It was like she was making tchotchkes during the war. Craig and Kendra madly outsold Alex and Tana, and in the Boardroom, even though Tana was rightly roasted over a slow flame for marrying a lack of fashion sense with a lack of regular sense to come up with her entire five-rhinestone concept, Alex's oily, superior, and yet oddly blank brand of corporate slither finally got him plunked in the back seat of the taxi to the Hotel Sequester. There, he will undoubtedly prove to no one's surprise that he calls his friends "ladies" when they choose to spend time with their girlfriends, but he can't drink a Long Island iced tea without crying and telling you about the time he accidentally killed his pet turtle with a Dustbuster. Because Alex is, now and forever, exactly and precisely That Guy. Now, only Kendra, Craig, and Tana are left. Somebody's getting knocked out, and then we shall have our final two. Who will be the last good shooting?
We are in New York City, and we are looking at the moon. People congregate on the sidewalk. And up in the Love Palace, it is almost entirely quiet, because the only people in the place are Craig and Kendra, and you can bet they aren't spending too much time talking to each other. I suspect the conversation ended quickly when she asked him what time it was, and he said, "It's irrelevant!" Craig is, however, whistling. Because nothing says "I would rather eat ground glass than speak to you" quite like whistling. "Oh, boy," Craig finally says. Craig interviews that it's tough to say who will come back from this Boardroom. He adds that of course, he continues to believe that he and Tana are "the cream of the crop." Which is kind of like being the most well-rounded guy at the comic book convention, but okay. He says that Alex is "a smart and very intelligent young man." Smart and intelligent? What a lethal combination! "It's going to be up to Mr. Trump," Craig adds meaningfully. Kendra chuckles as she comments to Craig that Trump (I think) must be really irritated at Alex and Tana for getting spanked so thoroughly.